Way to go Amy! I knew you could do it!
Donna

good job Amy!

Amy, I just wanted to add my congrats to the posts and tell you it does get better!

The mask was especially daunting for me too.

A couple quick points I wanted to throw out there.

1) You mentioned you "Don't have a choice" about getting the treatment.

Sometimes, I think we humans react with the most panic when choice seems to be removed from the menu.

That powerless, hopeless, helpless feeling can be more paralyzing that a Wall Street meltdown.

I found that when I remembered I DO have choices and that I was making them as intelligently as possible, it usually helped.

You know that the scary statistics about this disease include a fair number of people that choose to do NOTHING.

And, there are about 4 million choices between nothing and doing what you are doing, not the least of which is making the choice to get through the treatment.

2) Pretty soon the challenges of the treatment will move to the forefront. I remember wondering at the beginning how I could possibly get by emotionally everyday, laying on that hard, cold, table for what seemed like hours, with some sci-fi waffle mask on my face, not being able to move. Good news- The radiation kicks you in the butt so much soon, that you'll be concentrating on the best distraction there is. Survival.

3) Concentrate on how you are going to decorate (or torture) that mask when you are done. This probably doesn't work for everyone, but I remember having some comfort in the imagination of how I was going to decorate the mask (they'll give it to you after tx usually). It sounds silly, but that's the point. Find silly things to think about so that your body & spirit can deal with the serious challenges you are going through.

sorry for the ramblings...I haven't had my 2nd caffe latte so this may make NO SENSE whatsoever :-P
Embrace it.

Hope today went well again for you.

Today was a nothing day. I had nothing to do so I sat around and felt sorry for myself. Until someone gave me a little kick.
I don't start my treatments until the 28th.

OHHH....sorry about that. Thought you had started rad and wanted to check how you did with the mask. Was hoping you were doing good.

Its an easy trap to get into feeling sorry for yourself. Every once in a while I do it too. I find that as time goes on and I think about how fortunate I am in life, the less I dwell on anything bad. Cancer has given me a different outlook on life. I havent had the 'why me' syndrome, mine was always whats next, lets fix it.

If you dont start tx til the 28th you probably have alot of free time on your hands and that can let your mind wander. Remember, you have your OCF family to cheer you up, we are right here to help guide you thru this.

I find that I don't feel very sorry for myself because I am looking at how things will be in the future, not how things were in the past -- I am just in a new stage in life, as I was at many points in the past -- Limitations existed in many of my 'past lives' and I just get used to them -- Beats heck out of the alternatives!

Too much free time. I sat around last night and thought about laying in that mask straped to the table, with laser beams cookin' away. I have a very active imagination. Very visual. I need to find something to do this week-end. Maybe a festival or something! I do have about a months worth of yard work. (Seems as though all the yard work stop on or about 9/23/08)
But I'm afraid if I do something physical, I am going to pull out this d**n Peg tube. Maybe extra tape? Any ideas? I would like to go running. I haven't asked anyone if I could/couldn't.

Amy,
I would go easy on the yard "work" with that Peg tube. Stick to the less physical cosmetic gardening like pulling weeds and pruning shrubs - preferably while sitting down or at least moving carefully. Leave the mowing, raking, & rock rolling to your husband and kids - or just leave it until you can get them to do it. But, as I said in a previous post, gardening is so therapeutic for those of us who enjoy it. Fingers in the dirt, helping beautiful things to grow, and the results are so rewarding. It really helps me "get to real" and comforts me.

When I got my Peg tube, my RO's office gave me a tube-shaped very flexable kind of stretchable netting that fit around my waist/tummy area and held the tube from flopping around. It helped a lot. A little extra tape to hold it should also help. Just don't do anything that puts a strain on those abdominal muscles - no heavy lifting, etc. I don't know about the running. That's something I've never done, but I would get someone's professional or at least experienced advice before I tried it.

How old are your 4 kids? Young enough for you to work on Halloween costumes and decorations? Maybe you guys could try a "game night" over the weekend. My Grandson has started it in his family and they all really love it. He and his sister are 11 and 7. If you like cooking, maybe you could plan and prepare a really great dinner this weekend - maybe try out some new recipes or just some old favorites that you don't make too often.

Just a few ideas, but if I haven't helped yet, let me know. I've got a million of them.

Lani

Amy I felt the exact same way before my surgery same reason...did exactly the same thing went to a fair went to the movies... sat around a camp fire and just had some laughs...I understand how difficult it can be ...If you are anything like me you over analyse and think constantly but you know yourself best..do what works to keep your mind occupied...Laughter does help..and for me was writing journaling and talking to people here who are supportive..If you need to talk there always seems to be someone here...