Hi Wendy -
David is sooo right. It is rare to see both patient AND caregiver in here. My husband, who has had several bouts of oral cancer, never goes in here on his own. Sometimes, I will find something of particular interest to him and "copy and paste" it to our email address, and he always reads it, sometimes responding to the poster if he can help. But, I am guilty of keeping bad/sad news from him, because I know he doesn't want to read it anyway. He is doing well right now - he was just told at his check-up Tuesday that everthing looks so good, he can wait 6 months for his next check-up rather than the usual 3 months - so I just keep reading and learning everything I can from the good members of this OCF forum. He has maintained a great attitude all thru these years of surgeries and multitudes of doctors. Each person learns to adapt to how she or he can handle the situation, positively or negatively, and goes with their "comfort" level. Good luck to both of you, Wendy! Warmly, JaneP.

There are so many caring and warm caregivers in here. I wish I would have had one that didn't scare off so easily. THe ones getting the care are lucky to have you all who are caregivers. Good Luck and keep up the good work. I do think it's how you were raised to feel about other people had a lot to do with mine running like a scared rabbit.

Wendy,
It's not just a male reaction. As you see in my signature I have had 3 different cancers in about 5 years. In the same time span my husband had surgery for colon cancer and I was knocked down by a car in a parking lot (only a small bruise on a hip thanks to a thick coat a fat purse.) Each incident caused different reactions, but basically, I did not let fear or anger become part of the picture. I don't belive that I was in denial, rather it was acceptance of the situation. I approached these cancers as OK what's there, what needs to be done, lets do it. I made charts of the appointments, medications, etc. My husband is "medically dense" in the sense that he considers asprin, rubbing alcohol or neosporin can cure almost anything. He listens to what the doctors say and assumes that everything will be fine. I listen to the doctors like a curious child, study those charts on the walls and back of the door and picture exactly which nerve, muscle, cell, etc. will be affected.
It really isn't important who keeps track of what is going on and all the possible outcomes, as long as it is done. It is always OK to worry as long as the worrying is productive. Questions about treatment, medications, timelines, aftereffects, possible problems, therapies, etc. are legitimate.

Acceptance of the situation is key. I'm still trying to master that behavior. I think it's crazy that my husband has a better attitude than I do about this disease. He is so willing to try everything and doesn't get emotional about it. He just keeps doing what he has to to survive.

When I have a Dr appt. , I read everything on the walls, behind the door and what's on the table. My cardiologist told me I was the only patient to read and the question him about what I read. He thinkd it's great and wishes all of his patients read and asked more. LOL I'm just nosey and curious. I like some of the models. A person can learn a lot while waiting.

Wendy,
My husband doesn't talk about his feelings AT ALL! The men on this site have given you some really good "testerone insight"..just love him, be there for him and don't look to him to support you emotionally as he needs all of his energy to support himself...look to this site to help you for that....

Be sure and take care of yourself....

Paula