Hi all - My name is Wendy and I live in Pittsburgh. I am a caregiver to my husband, 43, diagnosed out of the blue with BOT SCC, stage IVa. (non-smoker, HPV questionable). He's currently undergoing radiation, cisplatin and Erbitux treatments. His only surgery was to remove two lymph nodes from his neck (plus a biopsy of the tongue and removal of tonsil as they did the search for the primary).

I could really use some help here. My husband is still firmly in the denial stage of this whole thing and I'm not sure what I can do to help. He refuses to talk about anything on the emotional level. It's all about the practicality of dealing with the cancer. He won't even admit to being afraid! Should I just let him be and hope that he comes around? I'm worried that he is bottling everything up and he's just going to explode. (that's kind of his natural tendency)

I've been reading the posts on this site for several weeks, and all of you are amazing. My husband joined the site but has not used it except to introduce himself and hardly looks at it. He seems he*l bent on dealing with this all by himself.

Sorry, I'm already too wordy and it's my first message.

Thanks in advance for all of your advice and wisdom.