Of late, both of my grown children have been VERY hard on me - critical and at time disrespectful. They are adult children - 25 & 27 and how I ENVY Minnie and the fabulous support from her kids who are involved and helpful.

My kids don't want to hear about it - don't really want me to discuss cancer or the treatment of cancer around them.

Is it possible that their "disrespect" is their way of purposely distancing themselves from me - and in a way preparing themselves for my demise.

This has all been VERY hurtful and has become a bit of a viscious circle - the more I feel hurt and sad, the worse they treat me. Having said all this, they are not "bad" kids. They are both productive adults who up until the time of my first cancer diagnosis almost 5 years ago treatment me with respect.

WHAT is going on? Anyone else have this experience?

Donna

Donna,

I am so sorry. I have 3 grown children and all of them deal with their fathers cancer differently as things progress.

Our oldest lives out of state with his girlfriend. He has guilt about not being around, but likes to pretend that all is well in his world therefore it MUST be good in Mom and Dads world. Its like sometimes he doesnt want us to ruin HIS day. Once they came to visit and I thought they would spend most of the time with my husband but they acted like it was their vacation. I was very angry. Now I just have learned to not have expectations.

My other two children are around their dad more and dont have the guilt. They seem to be more helpful and thoughtful.

Geezz we have best friends that have been disrespectful...so I guess kids can do the same. You know that oh you have cancer you will be better in a couple of months. What you arent well yet??

Nobody truly understands until they are going thru it.

Big hugs to you Donna!!
Cray

Donna:

You arent alone with the dissrespect from children. Its happened to me with my teenaged children, and it breaks my heart when they do that.

I think alot of kids just cant comprehend that their parents are mortal. My son is the one who drove me to chemo and radiation last year right when he was turning 18. At times he also got frustrated with the daily chore of driving me 45 minutes each way and having to sit thru my treatments. My daughter had her episodes of not understanding too but in different ways. Maybe its just that it hurts them to talk about it so they avoid the subject. Or as I like to think....my kids are just odd like most people their ages. Maybe its just how society now is, uncaring, only concerned about themselves. They werent raised that way at all.

Just like Cray said....you will be better in a couple months, then arent you better yet....alot of people think like that, not just children. Several people couldnt understand why I wasnt immediately better and would treat me like I was a big faker.

Try not to let it get you down.

Donna,

this is what you have to do.

1) get well
2) spend "their inheritance"
3) outlive them all

A lot of people do not know how to react to somebody with cancer. ... Maybe if I do not mention it it goes away....????
So they do not call you and then they cannot call you because they did not call you before.


Think about #2

cheers


Markus

Donna, to me this sounds like you aren't in denial but your kids are. Some kids thnik we parents are super people that nothing can stop. I would bet this might be the problem. Give em what for a couple of times and wake them up. You deserve better treatment regardless. As for mine, if I didn't take a drive on Sat or Sun aftewr church, mine would be invisble but I tell them about it.