#77508 07-25-2008 07:09 PM | Joined: Jul 2008 Posts: 3 Member | OP  Member
Joined: Jul 2008 Posts: 3 | hi everyone,my name is Louise and my ex husband has just been dianosed with 4th stage throat cancer.It started at the base of his tongue ,moved downward to affect everything including 2 lymph nodes. they say its treatable but I do wonder if they are just glossing over how bad it really is. they do intend to start radiation and then chemo. No one is telling anyone if they have given him a certain time to live .he is very stoic and wont discuss if he is scared or what, i do want to be able to give him support and to help him if i can, any suggestions on what I can do as a friend? He is remarried. | | | | | Joined: Dec 2006 Posts: 147 Senior Member (100+ posts) | | Senior Member (100+ posts)
Joined: Dec 2006 Posts: 147 | Louise,
It is treatable - this site is excellent in what the treatments look like. As far as supporting him, do it as a friend. Tread very lightly on his turf with his wife. I am running into a situation with my husband where his "ex" even though they never married, has tried to infiltrate herself onto caring for my husband and it has caused problems. She has does some very, very mean things to try to sway him to her in which he has acknowledged, but it still has caused him pain and frustration, whereas they are going thru enough - caregiver and patient. Read this site as it has a wealth of knowledge and support.
Good Luck!
Paula
Caregiver to Husband 50 yrs.young-non smoker/non-drinker; Stage IV - all treatments stopped August 2009
Lost the battle November 23, 2010
| | | | | Joined: Dec 2006 Posts: 147 Senior Member (100+ posts) | | Senior Member (100+ posts)
Joined: Dec 2006 Posts: 147 | ...by the way, when I say he has acknowledged, I mean that he has told her "thanks but no thanks", however it still has caused him some sadness, because he doesn't want to hurt her anymore than what she already is hurting. Also, he didn't marry her because she was a smoker and he couldn't stand that...now sometimes I wonder if the 2nd hand smoke had something to do with his cancer. It doesn't matter the cause now - he has cancer and we are in the fight of our life!
Paula
Caregiver to Husband 50 yrs.young-non smoker/non-drinker; Stage IV - all treatments stopped August 2009
Lost the battle November 23, 2010
| | | | | Joined: Feb 2007 Posts: 1,940 "OCF across the pond" Patient Advocate (1000+ posts) | | "OCF across the pond" Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)
Joined: Feb 2007 Posts: 1,940 | Robins ex girlfriend(and the mother of his only child)was a nightmare during the last few weeks of his life.She asked if she could come with Katie to see him before he went in to the hospice.I said it was ok if he wanted that,and he really wasn't sure as they hadnt spoken for 15 years,but he agreed for katies sake.When he was in the hospice she became a virtual stalker,and rung the hospital all the time under the pretence of doing it on behalf of his daughter ,which was rubbish as katie was ringing up herself.It became such an issue between us that eventually we informed the hospice autorities that she was not to be given information over the phone,or allowed to visit him.I still resent the trouble she caused between us in the last week of his life,so just a word of caution louise,and that is tread very carefully,and make sure that he and his wife are totally on board with your offer of support.The best of intentions can be misconstrued at such an emotional time.
if you want information about his illness and its consequences and treatment options,then use the forum at the top of the list and you will get all the help you need.
liz
Liz in the UK
Husband Robin aged 44 years Dx 8th Dec 2006 poorly differentiated SCC tongue with met to neck T1N2cM0 Surgery and Radiation.Finished TX April 2007
Recurrence June/07 died July 29th/07.
Never take your eye off the ball, it may just smack you in the mouth.
| | | | | Joined: Sep 2006 Posts: 8,311 Senior Patient Advocate Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Senior Patient Advocate Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Sep 2006 Posts: 8,311 | Louise,
Read my signature line. I was a Stage IV base of tongue and 2 positive nodes and I am doing great.
Was he a smoker or a tobacco user?
How old is he?
Where is he being seen?
David
Age 58 at Dx, HPV16+ SCC, Stage IV BOT+2 nodes, non smoker, casual drinker, exercise nut, Cisplatin x 3 & concurrent IMRT x 35,(70 Gy), no surgery, no Peg, Tx at Moffitt over Aug 06. Jun 07, back to riding my bike 100 miles a wk. Now doing 12 Spin classes and 60 outdoor miles per wk. Nov 13 completed Hilly Century ride for Cancer, 104 miles, 1st Place in my age group. Apr 2014 & 15, Spun for 9 straight hrs to raise $$ for YMCA's Livestrong Program. Certified Spin Instructor Jun 2014.
| | | | | Joined: Jul 2008 Posts: 3 Member | | OP Member
Joined: Jul 2008 Posts: 3 | david as far a i know joe never smoked cigarettes, when we were married he did smoke a pipe now and then . I did see that you were a survivor and that gives me a bit of hope. If only he had seen a doctor when it first started being a problem. thank you so much for answering me.... Louise | | | | | Joined: Jul 2008 Posts: 3 Member | | OP Member
Joined: Jul 2008 Posts: 3 | thank you so much for answering me, I will do my utmost to not be a bother,especially when i know he has given her more than enough grief when it comes to other women. I'll only go up with my daughter and if i can see it bothers her a bit for me to be there i will stop going. ...Louise | | | | | Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 5,260 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 5,260 | You don't have to be a smoker or tobacco user to get OC. I was told I had a unique cancer even tho I smoked for a lot of years. Needless to say I smoke no more. I am sure your ex will pull thru this like David said. I'm livng and lost large portion of my tongue, and had a lfet neck dissection, lost my teeth and had radiation implants put in my tongue, I lost about 2 weeks of memory from that surgery including the week before surgery, But as you can see I am living . LOL Just finished mowing grass and attending to my flowers. I wish him good luck and don't overdo it with his wife.
Since posting this. UPMC, Pittsburgh, Oct 2011 until Jan. I averaged about 2 to 3 surgeries a week there. w Can't have jaw made as bone is deteroriating steaily that is left in jaw. Mersa is to blame. Feeding tube . Had trach for 4mos. Got it out April.
--- Passed away 5/14/14, will be greatly missed by everyone here
| | | | | Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 10,507 Likes: 7 Administrator, Director of Patient Support Services Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Administrator, Director of Patient Support Services Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 10,507 Likes: 7 |
Louise:
It would be helpful for you to give your x and his wife this website for a place to go for questions and support.
ChristineSCC 6/15/07 L chk & by L molar both Stag I, age44 2x cispltn-35 IMRT end 9/27/07 -65 lbs in 2 mo, no caregvr Clear PET 1/08 4/4/08 recur L chk Stag I surg 4/16/08 clr marg 215 HBO dives 3/09 teeth out, trismus 7/2/09 recur, Stg IV 8/24/09 trach, ND, mandiblctmy 3wks medicly inducd coma 2 mo xtended hospital stay, ICU & burn unit PICC line IV antibx 8 mo 10/4/10, 2/14/11 reconst surg OC 3x in 3 years very happy to be alive  | | | | | Joined: Sep 2006 Posts: 8,311 Senior Patient Advocate Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Senior Patient Advocate Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Sep 2006 Posts: 8,311 | Tough situation to be in the way you care for him but it would be best for him to post here. Without knowing more I would encourage him to get tested for the HPV virus in his cancer cells. HPV and Tobacco account for the overwhelming majority of all Oral Cancer causes yet they have been proven to be very different animals despite an infant HPV knowledge base which is growing every day thanks to the scientific community.
David
Age 58 at Dx, HPV16+ SCC, Stage IV BOT+2 nodes, non smoker, casual drinker, exercise nut, Cisplatin x 3 & concurrent IMRT x 35,(70 Gy), no surgery, no Peg, Tx at Moffitt over Aug 06. Jun 07, back to riding my bike 100 miles a wk. Now doing 12 Spin classes and 60 outdoor miles per wk. Nov 13 completed Hilly Century ride for Cancer, 104 miles, 1st Place in my age group. Apr 2014 & 15, Spun for 9 straight hrs to raise $$ for YMCA's Livestrong Program. Certified Spin Instructor Jun 2014.
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