Amen Joan and congratulations on 5 years of being cancer free. It gives hope to the rest of us.

Everyday I have to make a decision whether or not to live in fear and/or anxiety and just give myself over to it, which is all too easy to do, or to choose to live in the "now" and just do what is in front of me to be done.

The numbers vary so widely that you can pick what set of numbers you want. My AJCC numbers were 62% chance of being dead in 5 years. My RO CCC numbers were 20% and the greatest risk is in the first 2 years (at least from a recurrence at the orginal tumor site). I am 3 1/2 years out so technically I have gotten past the worst of it, statistically.

It's hard not to think about death the older we get anyway, I seem to go to more and more funerals every year (oftentimes for people even younger than me). My dad lived to 92 and never once mentioned to me that he was afraid of dying (and he died of cancer). In practically his last breath he stated "I'm going to beat this" and he did.

Death is inevitable - none of us gets out alive. The future is also not ours - the trick is to stay in the present. Thinking about survival statistics is future tripping.

I think Gary has it right that living in the "now" is a choice that each of us has to make every single day.

When Jack went for his last chemo on Wednesday we found we were literally across the hall from a friend of ours who had been admitted to the inpatient unit and was dying after an 18 month bout with another type of cancer. We spent the day visiting with our friend and his family while Jack's chemo was running. We laughed, we cried, we rolled the IV pole everywhere, we told funny stories of when our children were growing up and when our sons shared an apartment in Boston - and somewhere during that very strange day we said goodbye to our fear as well as our friend.

He died peacefully that night surrounded by love and good wishes. Today at his funeral we all gave him a standing ovation for ignoring the odds and never giving up. He really did beat his cancer because he never allowed it change him.

Perhaps it's not about how we live with cancer but how we live period.

The statistics are meaningless and the hell with them. We have the time that we have, let's make the most of it.

Regards JoAnne

Gary and Joanne,

Just want you to know that I was especially impressed by both of the last statements in your posts. You make so much sense and I hope that your philosophies can motivate others to get on with their lives and live for the present.

Thanks for being here for us.

Jerry

The future is promised to no one, live for today. Living in the moment is a conscious effort. We are always looking at the future and the past. We are thinking about a meal that we will have later in the day, while when are eating one right before us, failing to enjoy the moment we are in. We are constantly reliving past triumphs and hurts. We spend time worrying about things which we have no control over, and negative possibilities which may never occur in our future. Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live. I think that there is a universal belief in people considered great thinkers that non-engagement in the moment was wasting what (actually very little) time that was given to us. In my own case I found that a life without part of it spent in service to others was one poorly spent. Essentially that the purpose of life, is a life of purpose. Lives, like money, are spent. The question is; what are you buying with yours? Having given this a great deal of thought while laid up in bed, I tried to understand what people way smarter than me had to say about living fully. Here are a few of my favorites.

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln

Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that the stuff life is made of. Benjamin Franklin

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Helen Keller

You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when. You can only decide how you're going to live. Joan Baez

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. Mark Twain

Our care should not be to have lived long as to have lived enough. Seneca

And a more contemporary pearl; from an unlikely source...
Life would be much easier if I had the source code. (OCF Webmaster and computer programmer extraordinaire, Chester)

Personally I believe that life is about living each day with a purpose. Through OCF I have found one of significance to me. If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I suspect I would just type a little faster.....

Great quotes. Both from Mother Theresa and Chester. Thanks for the inspiration in these last posts. Its refreshing to come here and read something that leaves me feeling so good

Wish I could remember where I found this:

"So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half asleep even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning in your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.

"The truth is, Mitch," he said, "once you learn how to die, you learn how to live. You strip away all that stuff and focus on the essentials. Learn how to die and you learn how to live. . . . It's natural to die. . . . It's part of the deal we made. . . . The fact that we make such a big hullabaloo over it is all because we don't see ourselves as part of nature. We think because we're human we're something above nature. Now, here's the payoff. Here is how we are different from the wonderful plants and animals. As long as we can love each other, and remember the feeling of love we had, we can die without ever really going away. All the love you created is still there. . . . You live on in the hearts of everyone you have touched"

Emerson Quote

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters caompared to what lies WITHIN us."

This was the credo I lived by whilst Pete was going through his treatment.
We all need a little bit of inspiration wherever it comes from.
Cheers
Marica

This is the one that continues to give me inspiration...

I beg you

Senator13,

When I first saw that quotation (sometime within the past year), it really struck me. I remembered how many tough questions I had 17 years ago when I was diagnosed and being treated, and how gradually, over the years since then, so many "answers" have appeared that I never could have imagined. I'm constantly amazed at the things that have happened in my life that are somehow related to having had that cancer experience, and I hope that you also find that to be the case.

Cathy