#76891 07-13-2008 05:41 PM | Joined: Jul 2008 Posts: 4 Member | OP  Member
Joined: Jul 2008 Posts: 4 | Dear OCF forum members: I need some guidance as to how to talk to a dear friend and neighbor recently diagnosed with OC. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated. Thanks, TRN | | | | | Joined: Feb 2007 Posts: 1,940 "OCF across the pond" Patient Advocate (1000+ posts) | | "OCF across the pond" Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)
Joined: Feb 2007 Posts: 1,940 | Hi trish
what makes you think you should talk to her any differently than you have always done?this is a mistake so many people make.
It is wonderful that you care enough about your friend to come to this site,but trust me, the one thing people who are sick want is to be treated normally.
liz
Liz in the UK
Husband Robin aged 44 years Dx 8th Dec 2006 poorly differentiated SCC tongue with met to neck T1N2cM0 Surgery and Radiation.Finished TX April 2007
Recurrence June/07 died July 29th/07.
Never take your eye off the ball, it may just smack you in the mouth.
| | | | | Joined: Apr 2006 Posts: 794 "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) | | "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Joined: Apr 2006 Posts: 794 | They want to be treated normally......and they...at least I do!....appreciate being asked about it. If she is a good friend, then you NEED To know what is going on with her in order to BE a friend. Just ask her. Look her straight in the eye and ask her how she is doing today, how she is feeling about what's going on with her, exactly where the cancer is and what is being done for it. Of course, you can always say that you don't want to intrude onto her privacy, but I loved..and still do....for people to ask how I was/am doing. It shows that we can chase the elephant from the room!
XO
Colleen--T-2N0M0 SCC dx'd 12/28/05...Hemi-maxillectomy, partial palatectomy, neck dissection 1/4/06....clear margins, neg. nodes....no radiation, no chemo....Cancer-free at 4 years!
| | | | | Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 5,260 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 5,260 | Don't be any different than you were towards her. I didn't want anyone feeling sorry for me or treating me special. I wanted my friends to be themselves with me.. Believe me, we have enough to think about and if we want to discuss OC, we will bring up the subject. At least you have the right idea like some don't. Ask those who have been and are there for advice. Good luck with your friend. JIM
Since posting this. UPMC, Pittsburgh, Oct 2011 until Jan. I averaged about 2 to 3 surgeries a week there. w Can't have jaw made as bone is deteroriating steaily that is left in jaw. Mersa is to blame. Feeding tube . Had trach for 4mos. Got it out April.
--- Passed away 5/14/14, will be greatly missed by everyone here
| | | | | Joined: Jul 2008 Posts: 4 Member | | OP Member
Joined: Jul 2008 Posts: 4 | Thanks for your words, Jim. I appreciate your input. | | | | | Joined: Jul 2008 Posts: 4 Member | | OP Member
Joined: Jul 2008 Posts: 4 | Thanks for your info. . .I've been talking to him "normally"; however, wonder if I've been doing this right. He's such a great guy, very upset and angry at this point. | | | | | Joined: Apr 2006 Posts: 794 "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) | | "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Joined: Apr 2006 Posts: 794 | Trish, if he is "upset and angry," then I wouldn't think it would be very helpful to simply ignore what's going on with him. No, we don't need to spend all of our time thinking about cancer, but believe me, it's not generally very far from our minds, and at first, it is central. It is obviously very much on his mind, so to ignore it seems to indicate a very shallow relationship..which I feel is not true of your relationship with this friend. ....just MHO...XOX
Colleen--T-2N0M0 SCC dx'd 12/28/05...Hemi-maxillectomy, partial palatectomy, neck dissection 1/4/06....clear margins, neg. nodes....no radiation, no chemo....Cancer-free at 4 years!
| | | | | Joined: Feb 2007 Posts: 1,940 "OCF across the pond" Patient Advocate (1000+ posts) | | "OCF across the pond" Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)
Joined: Feb 2007 Posts: 1,940 | Robin used to get furious with me for "talking about it all the time".when his friends came it was all about work,or gossip but no "sick talk".being upset and angry is very normal trish,just don't take anything he may say in anger too personally.
Liz in the UK
Husband Robin aged 44 years Dx 8th Dec 2006 poorly differentiated SCC tongue with met to neck T1N2cM0 Surgery and Radiation.Finished TX April 2007
Recurrence June/07 died July 29th/07.
Never take your eye off the ball, it may just smack you in the mouth.
| | | | | Joined: Sep 2006 Posts: 8,311 Senior Patient Advocate Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Senior Patient Advocate Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Sep 2006 Posts: 8,311 | I was initially embarrassed to tell anyone that I had cancer and I didn't want my wife blabbing it either. All that changed with time but I just needed time to mentally adjust.
David
Age 58 at Dx, HPV16+ SCC, Stage IV BOT+2 nodes, non smoker, casual drinker, exercise nut, Cisplatin x 3 & concurrent IMRT x 35,(70 Gy), no surgery, no Peg, Tx at Moffitt over Aug 06. Jun 07, back to riding my bike 100 miles a wk. Now doing 12 Spin classes and 60 outdoor miles per wk. Nov 13 completed Hilly Century ride for Cancer, 104 miles, 1st Place in my age group. Apr 2014 & 15, Spun for 9 straight hrs to raise $$ for YMCA's Livestrong Program. Certified Spin Instructor Jun 2014.
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