Hi all ,

My father has completed his TX on 25th April 2008 , but from the very next day hes in hospiatl till date for various reasons .
1. Low electrolytes
2. mouth secretion.
3. tachycardia
after tracheostomy on 19th May hes much better and electrolytes are also noramal alls normal except for the weakness which is fine as hes having food from peg and just stated eating by mouth.
But the one main problem is his ATTITUDE
Its been such a long time sine we have seen him similing forget laughing. seems he has lost all hopes ... (I know he has gone thru alot but thankfully alls went well )
even in hospital he does nothing but lay there on bed either sleep or stare at the TV without caring wats happening.
We have tried to make him undertsand how good hes doin and he has many many years to live... but seems everthings falling on deaf ears.
It sometimes becomes so diff for me n for my mom
My mom sits in hospital entire day helpng him out , and at nights its me cause i have work at day.
Sometimes its so frustrating feels like ur doing so much and all we are asking for a him to be more positive , just a smile would do it ... but all he does is stare else where wen we talk to him.
I really dont understand what to do .
Should i consult a Psychiatrist ?
I am forsure with this kinda attitude hes gona cause more pain to himself and us ...
I desperately need some advise?

Why is he still in the hospital exactly? Am I right in inferring from the info. in your post that he has been there a lot since the end of his treatment? It sounds like he could be depressed, he could also just be angry. Either reaction, after going through what he has been through, is natural. I know it isn't fair to, or easy on, you and your mother, and he's lucky to have two such dedicated caretakers, but please don't assume that just because he's this way now, he'll be this way forever. He may just need some signs he's getting better to cheer up a little--for example getting out of the hospital.

However, while he's there, I would talk to the doctors and see if maybe they can talk to him about an antidepressant.

There are lots of other people who have been caretakers that post here and I hope you will get good advice from some of them as well.

Nelie

Hi Nelie and thanks for ur advice ,
well the thing is hes really unable to move around by himself so we thought its better to keep him in hospital for some time till hes able to move around and also since he has Tacheostomy the kind of care it needs is best taken in hospital.
We can get him home which we had tried last month but soon we realised we were not able to manage him. his 2 hourly feeds , then his secreations were abit too much to handle and the very next day he started getting fevers and disoriented and so we admitted him again.
Franckly we are abit afraid now of getting him home.
Also wat are these antidepressant?

I think it may be helpful for him to talk to a mental health professional since he's not responding to your words of encouragement.

^^^ even i think so , but am also thinking about what Nelie said , would it be a good idea to get him home now ?

It's probably different in Inda, Here it is usually not the patient or patient's family that decides if he or she belongs in the hospital but the doctors (and, unfortunately, often the insurance companies have a lot of say as well). Avinash, What does your father's doctor say about when he should be ready to go home?

Nelie

ChilledFire. I am 72 yrs old and have been thru all of this stuff and then some. Your Dad needs to be encouraged and made to know he can beat this disease. I am older by some years than he is and I am independent and do everything for myself. I even take care of my house and yard. I'm sure your Dad can be urged into doing these things too. He has to get the feeling of being independent. Good Luck and show him that sickness means nothing unless you let it control your life.

I am sorry to hear your father is not responding to all your encouragement and know how very difficult it is to be on the caregivers side of the fence. My husband responded in a similar manner following treatment, it was like he crawled in a hole and pulled the hole in after himself. First I think your father is not that far out of treatment, and the other problem I found was that patient and family are not mentally prepared for the the slow recovery following treatment. The treatment causes such nasty side effects, and all you can think of is how much better it will be when all this is finished, and then when this doesn't happen as quickly as we thought it would it is quite difficult to handle. Also think how your father coped with stress before he was ill? For my husband it was to avoid it, walk away from it. When the cancer happened, he could not walk away from it and I, nor anyone else could take it away for him. He just could not emotionally handle it. I do think you should get some psyciatric support for him if he will consent to it, and he would likely be put on anti-depressants. Just be aware that it takes up to 4 weeks for the medication to reach its full effect and he may need to try different medications before the most effective one is found.
Is there a support group or could his treatment team have an oral cancer survivor visit him so he can see there is light at the end of the tunnel. Wishing you all strength and courage to face each day.

You might think this is strange but could he be hungry? My mom has lost a lot of weight the last 5 months, of course we didn't know she was sick & couldn't swallow. She had a peg put in last week and what a difference it has made already. She hasn't gained any weight but her attitude is much better because she is no longer starving. Just a thought.

Avinash

Your father just very recently finished treatments. He probably still feels pretty lousy. Many people going thru this type of cancer need some help from anti depressants. That in itself is more than enough to upset a person. Does the hospital have a counselor to speak to your father? Its also very upsetting when after getting thru the horrible treatments, that you still arent back to normal and cant eat and taste things like before. Is your father getting enough nutrition? It may hurt him to speak, maybe thats why he isnt talking. I went thru 3 weeks of silence, my kids loved it. I hope this helps to give you a few ideas.