Although I am a health professional, I am at a complete loss on how to get through the pain of having the person you are emotionally closest to given a diagnosis of cancer (especially when you told him...you don't have cancer)... Of course, that was ever the wishful thinking on my part, he may never listenn to me again. Actually, he did keep going to the doctor, which I kept encouraging and urging..and for that I am thankful.

Now we are left with the rawness of this new diagnosis. The first doctor hasn't said too much...T-1, Squamous Cell. Options are radiation, maybe surgery...talk to the oncologist. Of course, the fact that his neck/lymph node has been swollen for many months prior to the actual diagnosis and that he has complained of back pain absolutely scares me...but I also know that until there are further studies, we won't know if it has metastisized anywhere else. The unknown is SO hard.

I found this site and am glad that at least there is a site that caregivers can come for questions and comfort. I am sure I/we will visit it often, as we go through our journey of treatments. I have probably visited every known Head/Neck site known to man and read WAY too much information....but knowledge is king.

I want to learn as much as I can so that he has to worry as little as possible, and so that I can give as much support as I can to this wonderful man that I love.

My heart goes out to all of you who have been where I am, have forged through, and are standing on the other side as survivers. Pray that this will be the case for us.

Welcome! Although I wish you didn't have to be here.
You are right about information being king, and on this site you will get personal experiences and find a wealth of excellent, accurate information.
Can you tell us where exactly his cancer is, where he's being treated and when he starts treatment?
Thinking of you at this worrying time,
Brenda

BF,

Tell us more but at his stage and with the appropriate Tx by a qualified multidisciplinary cancer team he stands a great chance of defeating this disease. This site will be a godsend to the both of you. I guarantee it.

Seeing a renowned multidisciplinary team tomorrow. So far local radiologist believes only one node involved with primary site being tonsil, that was removed. Recommended treatment by local radiologist is 5 weeks rad followed by surgery.

Specialists tomorrow will provide more info. They are some of bests in field. This is all so fresh and raw..so many things to find out still.

Scared,
You have found the best sight to polish your caregiving skills. You will receive lots of support emotionally and technically. Continue to read, read, read. There will be days when this will shock you, make you cry, but I think you are like me...you don't want to be blindsided by something that a little research would have prevented.

Knowledge is power and a good support group is even more powerful! We will see you through this one way or another as each of us has something to give to you.

Thinking of you as you start your walk "thru the storm." I have posted these lyrics from that song before..it helped me when I was at my lowest:

When you walk through the storm
Hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark
At the end of the storm
There's a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of the lark

Walk on, through the wind
Walk on, through the rain
Though your dreams be tossed and blown
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone

Deb

Dear Scared - Try to hang in there and think about all the ways that things could go well. When my son was diagnosed he was told that it looked like one lymph node was involved but after the surgery and they checked all the lymph nodes removed, there was no cancer in the lymph nodes. Sounds like you are in good hands and you are taking care of things that need to be taken care of. Keep coming here. There is so much to learn and many people who will help support you and your best friend.

Deb - I love those lyrics and the music is beautiful too. It was the class song when i graduated from High School many years ago and very inspiring. It think it was called "You'll Never Walk Alone". The poem that really helps me when I'm feeling down and like I'm hanging on to a cliff by my fingernails is "Invictus". It helps me get in the "fight" mode:
http://webpages.charter.net/xila/favpoems.html#INVICTUS

Yes, Anne-Marie, I should have included the title.."You'll Never Walk Alone." I break down every time I hear it...it so describes how those first days and weeks felt after Bill's diagnosis..he didn't have a clue how to move forward (even though he is a degreed engineer) and I finally figured out that "If it was to be, it was up to ME!" I felt as though I was walking thru a horrible storm and there was no one to show me the way and there was so much riding on Bill getting the best possible treatment and no one was running the show.

It was at that point that I found OCF and subsequently a CCC near here and above all else I realized that Bill's fate was in the hands of the "Great Physician." So, I wasn't alone and that has made all the difference.

Deb

BF,

Tell us more about your BF...Smoker?, Age, Drinker. Any mention of HPV?

Tha song is my all time favorite.. I used to get my older brother to sing it for me.. God rest his soul. He only made 58 yrs and I felt it not fair.. He was the good guy and I the bad one. Scared but hopeful,, these are the greatest support group that is possible to have. I wish you and hubby well and will pray for you.

'You'll never walk alone ' is from the musical Carousel, Rogers and Hammerstein I think--they wrote some superb stuff!
It was recorded by Gerry and the Pacemakers in the 1960's and has since been adopted as the 'theme song' of Liverpool football club--one of our 'greatest' teams--or was!
I have the CD of Carousel and most of the songs make me cry!
Brenda