Danny - you are so right about how we have no idea what the next person is going through. Years ago, I was stopped by a policeman on my way to my mother's funeral. But he was kind and let me go. During the really difficult days of my son's recovery, there were many times in the grocery store or the prescription counter, where the check out girl says "How are you today?" and we automatically answer "Fine" there were times when I wanted so much to say I wasn't "Fine" and to pour my heart out and tell her how worried I was about my son who just had surgery and starting Rad Tx. But those are things one just doesn't do.

I have changed for the better and can hide my true feelings about a lot of things that used to upset me. What I do get tired of hearing is that old one,, " you sure don't look like there is anything wrong with you" I never have figured out an answer for that LOL

As long as we are talking tolerence here I would like to ask this. Has anyboby else experienced being short with thier spouse or care giver over trivial crap? I really think I am losing it here and don't know how to address it. I feel I am correct with my stance on an issue only to feel later that was stupid. It seems to be happening alot lately and I can see the strain on my wife.

For a while I was being very short with both my wife and son over minor things. I had to make serious effort to keep my mouth shut and tell myself to keep things in perspective. I seem to be coping better now than last year. For me it was learning to delay what I was going to say, think about it and then most times not saying anything. Probably a good habit for me anyways.

Sometimes I don't feel as confident as I was BC (before cancer). Has anyone experienced a lack of confidence in them selves, discion making or work performance?

Tim

Bill looking back over my old posts from last year i think a fair few of them were asking the same question from the opposite perspective.There can be no doubt that living in the shadow of such a dreadful disease does indeed color your views on what are the important issues in life, and i think that is mostly true of anyone who has come close to facing death.
It alters your axis ,and you realise that life doesnt revolve around work and money and success,because without your health you will not have the other things.Suddenly it doesnt seem to matter if you do something now rather than later ,routine things like putting out the garbage and tidying the yard loose their appeal when you could take to the road on a Harley like Petey or fly to the other side of the world .Unfortunately for your partner who has kept the routine things in life ticking over while you were sick,these things are still important,and represent her stability in the overall picture of things.Having you well enough to participate in the trivial things in life is probably a source of great relief to her,and although you might feel like saying what does that matter,to her it may well do.

love liz

Stoj:
Your comments were scary to read! I feel as though this happens in phases. There are days I feel "normal" (Whatever that was) and can conquer the world, then there are days when I feel so inferior, like all my co-workers/bosses have me under the microscope and I have a fight on my hands to prove myself. I seem to be adding hours and workload that I did not have before cancer, and I have even said flat out to my wife on a few occasions that I am trying to prove something, if no more than to myself. I am more proactive about a lot of things, but it's like I'm over doing it just to compensate(?), (For what I don't know). I often catch myself saying I need to pace myself and rest a little more/spend a little more time on "me", but it seems so hard to slow down (Like "the clock's tickin' baby!).
I hope this makes sense. If this strikes a cord with anyone I would sure be interested in hearing about it!
Regards,
Steve

Steve,

Inferior is good word to decribe what I'm feeling. I used to be so full of confidence, some might even say arrogant. Now I constantly think about things that were automatic to me before. I study, 2nd guess and almost work myself in to a panic attack about decisions I need to make. I'm no longer comfortable speaking in front of groups of people and try to avoid it any way that I can. I reread things many times to make sure I understand it, when before I was very quick to get going. All of this add time and stress to my tasks. Not sure what I can do about it though. Someone told me that these symptoms are similar to PTSD...

I wonder how many more folks here are having a similar experiences.

Tim

I find myself having more patience with personal relationships - kind of "don't sweat the small stuff".
The thing I struggle with most is work. I really need to find a new job but I'm scared to. I worry about starting somewhere new, since I have great benefits and an understanding manager with my current company. However, my job is so boring I can't stand it! I've had a few interviews but for one reason or another (mostly relocation issues) they haven't worked out. But I constantly worry that they hear the slight speech problem I still have - although my friends and family say they don't notice it, I certainly do and for some reason it seems to be worse when I am talking to someone I don't know well! Plus I worry about what would happen if I got a new job and then had a recurrence... sometimes I feel kind of frozen in my career path. I think this is what frustrates me the most..having the confidence to be able to move forward in my career.

This is a great thread that started while I was gone. I can relate to so much of what has been written.

I find myself going both ways on this one. When I was undergoing treatment, and perhaps for awhile very shortly thereafter, I was a mess psychologically. I spent a lot of time in my own head, and as a result I could be quite short with people. I worked all the way through treatment, did not have a PEG, etc., so I was very much into projecting an image of normalcy, while inside I was scared as hell. That dichotomy is not good.

I am now 6 months down the road from the end of treatment, and have been through the emotional ups and downs of the first two PET scans, repeated follow up visits, and the ever-changing spectrum of symptoms that follow treatment and bilateral neck dissection. While having gone through a bout of depression early on after treatment, now I have found a bit more balance.

In general, I ask myself "How important is it?" when I am tempted to get upset over something. Usually, the answer is "Not very." However, when the answer comes back "Very Important", I find that I am much more direct in moving to resolve the issue.

I think both things can be summarized as being no longer willing to waste time. If it ain't worth getting upset over, accept it and move on. If it is worth acting on, take the action, get a resolution, and move on. My 14 years in A.A. also helps on these types of things.

Right now I am on my first day of a new job, having just come back from a 7 day Caribbean cruise, and other than not being ready to deal with snow after 86 degree weather, life is good today!

All of this sure is a description of what I was like. It does do damage to the ones affected. And JEFF, why wasn't I invited on your cruise? LOL I'm glad that you got away from this OC for awhile and enjoyed the trip. Tell your wife I said hello and hope she is still the nice lady I met at the Cancer center.