Am I the only one on here that has gained a better sense of themselves BECAUSE of their experience with cancer? I've always been someone who knew who I was, but I also was very hesitant to speak out and stand up for myself when I wanted to and knew I had the right to. I was patient, over the edge kind, and let people kind of walk over me.
My husband asked me where that woman went?? He likes the "new" me who can't seem to keep her opinions to herself anymore and comes out of every corner fighting.............but I also think he kind of misses the "softer" side of me. Here's an example of what I'm speaking of. Five years ago, if someone had cut me in line at the store, I wouldn't have said a word. Now it's entirely the opposite......I can't seem to let any situation like that go by without making sure that person knows how I feel, how rude they are being, etc. My girls think it's hysterical and love it, I've even seen them grow stronger at being their own advocate, but I worry that I've gone to far to the "dark side". Anyone else notice this behavior change in themselves?
Minnie

Minnie - you hit the nail on the head! Cancer changes us (caregivers, too!) in more ways than we realize. And because we have people here to support us in the fight, the infused courage allows us to speak up for what we want and deserve, and as a caregiver, to be able to do it for those we love! I've come to realize more than ever the importance of time and appreciating the special moments with friends and family. I don't talk to machines anymore . . . I just tell people "it's against my religion"! I was on the phone a while back with a nice young lady at my doctor's office she said she was putting me on hold. I mentioned my age and that there were a lot of things I wanted to do before I die and I just didn't have time to listen to a machine playing music I wasn't particularly fond of. I heard her stifle a giggle but she did come back. It can backfire, tho' like when a machine called me and I hung up but discovered later it was my doctor's office reminding me of an appointment. I don't wait or stand in line, and with rude people, I am either very sweet (that makes them feel guilty) or I walk away realizing I have better things to do like fix my toilet or clean the garage. Yes, the big C experience has changed me and I owe a large part of the "new me" to OCF!

I never put up with crap before and I still don't but I'm not as innocent to life as I was before. I never had death staring me in the face so I think differently. When I was busy on the phone and someone would call on the other line, I used to tell my Office Manager to tell them "I died", you know just in a kidding way. Well I don't kid like that any more. Imagine being 58 and still innocent...one more thing cancer has taken from me.

I think maybe cancer changes us in various ways, depending on what it is we've been wanting to change in ourselves. In some ways I find myself MORE kind and patient than I used to be (like you Minnie, I wasn't very asserrtive in the past but I might be patient to someone's face but then I'd grumble about them later-now I realize that if I don't speak up I have no right to grumble later on).

There are definitely situations where I am more assertive as well. If I really believe something is right, I am far less afraid to speak up for it, even in the face of opposition, than I once was, even if it ticks someone else off. This really came home to me recently in a situation at work where I am going to bat for starting a program that will really help students despite some rather loud faculty opposition. There's a bumper sticker I sawe once that said "well behaved women rarely make history" and , though I'm not using that to advocate rude behavior, I think maybe that's kind of at the root of the change. I think more about what I'll leave behind once I am gone and it makes me more ready to speak up and advocate for what I believe in.

In the realm of advocating for myself medically, I have *definitely* changed there. My doctors (except for the one in Bosotn who helps me keep my throat open) do not work at a CCC, although my MO and ENT both have worked at CCCs earlier in their careers. I have finally realized that I am as likely as they are-maybe more likely thanks to this board--to know about medical issues relevant to my treatment and I'm not afraid at all to ask about those things and keep asking until I think I'm heard.

And sometimes it does take apearing stubborn and insistent. Recently I went for a mammogram and the hospitla had down the wrong breast--the breast where I ahd NOT had cancer (though I had had a microcalcification and a biopsy showing ti to be benign the year before in that breast so it was a soemwhat understandable mistake). I said several times there was some mistake then told the women who was trying to lead me back to the mammo room that I didn't want to go any further until they called my doctor and got this striaghtened out because I was NOT going to have a mammo. of the wrong breast then have to come back for the other one. I saw another older couple in the wiating area looking at me kind of anxiously and almost disapprovingly--like they were shocked I would think I might know which breast needed a mammo! (They ended up calling my doc and fianlly got it straightened out)

I respect all the doctors and medical personnel I see, but they are human--and incredibly busy--and I know I have to count on myself as much as or more than I count on them.

Nelie

I love these get tough posts, I have alway spoke my mind and still do , but I will put up with some things that affect everday life. The biggest thing I have changed is my outlook on life and appreciate it much more. I guess facing death head on has mellowed me somewhat, but I still won't be pushed around and still say what I think. I love life and all the people in it and if I get mad or angry about something, it's forgotten in a few minutes . I guess that's why it's EzJim

Have spent loads of my life alone, caring for twins, then my parents, and working my socks off with Special Needs children and then adolescents, then severely autistic kids.
Was ALWAYS 'beholden' to someone/some institution and needing desperately to keep--and excel at--cos that's how I am, my job.
None of it EVER increased my confidence--always felt like the 'poor kid from the Council Estate'.
Cancer is a great leveller--I smile sweetly when sitting in the disabled space on the bus and say 'I have cancer'--sales rep on phone the other day---I said, 'Don't waste your time, haven't got long to live'---LOL!
Neighbors don't see me for ages, then see me going out good--They don't know I 'm going to hospital!
And just about to send in 'sick-note' for 6 months--feel less about that than would have done even 6 months ago!
Guess I'm lucky, that twins are now 33 and have own lives, I have a fabulous new partner who I don't want to leave.
Feel GUILTY cos I should be doing 'domestics' n stuff, but does it matter???

Brenda

Brenda xx

Brenda -
You definitely don't need to feel guilty. . . that's just a time waster, and time you can be devoting to that fabulous new partner! I don't have sales reps calling because I got rid of my land line and just have my cellphone and they don't know about it yet. When someone comes to the door, I just smile sweetly and tell them I am not interested in whatever they are selling and close the door. (except for the Girl Scout cookies)

This week my confidence reached an all time low.
The district nurse looked down her nose and said to my husband I'm sure your carer will deal with that..
BUT
A recent phone call in which someone ask to speak to my Mum, I just replied NO,, she asked why I said she is dead.. OH NO NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER>>
So still she continues: 'But I want to speak to her', Well what would you have said?
So I told her that unless she had a direct line to heaven that was not possible and hung up..
Oh yes I felt good and Mum would have loved it..
Sunshine.. love and hugs
Helen

I used that phrase when the tax office rung for robin!!!!

I have to catch myself being too tough at times. I deal with people constantly and now it seems I can't stand the stupidity or laziness. Before I knew part of my job was to teach them the way of thier err's, but my gosh, common sense should kick in. Now I find it getting harder to be understanding of them. I thought it was just me and I needed to adjust but from reading these post, I am glad I am in good company.