Valerie
As many above have said your husband will get tired and need more rest as time goes on. I drove Marvin to each one of his treatments. I am lucky that I only work 1/2 days and we made the rad apt for in the afternoons. On the chemo days I just took the whole day off. We had to drive 60 miles one way for treatment. Marvin was going to try to work as much as he could but by the 3rd week of rad he was just to tired. Good luck in your treatments. I will keep you both in my prayers.

Valerie

Glad to have you on board. I too took my h. to all his appt. and treatments. I work part-time and could go in while he was napping or when he went to bed. I had to really cut back when he wouldn't call me when he was having problems with pain from mouth sores. He would wait until I got home he would tell me to go and I would try to stress to him that he needed to call me and not wait until I got home to tell me after the 2nd time of him not doing what I said I stayed real close. Good luck.

Hi, Valorie- the advice above pretty much sums up why we are all here-to share our common ground. Caregiving requires many of the same skills as walking a tightrope while juggling 20 plates in the air and your wardrobe needs to include various hats as well [the one I wore most was the "nurse from Hell" hat, altho I also got to wear the "guardian angel" hat and the "wonderful wife" hat on occasion] Just remember, we are here- chances are that down the road you will need to visit. Amy in the Ozarks

Hello. This my first time posting but have been reading other postings on this site looking for people in the same boat as my husband and myself. It is reassuring to be able to identify with the problems others have faced and see how they have coped. My husband was diagnosed with Stage 4, SCC of gingiva and left mandible, 2 nodes positive with 1 node broken through. Surgery Dec. 06 with left mandibulectomy and bone graft from iliac crest, left neck dissection. Radiation x30 concurrently with 3 rounds of high dose Cisplatin. Treatment completed Mar. 14/07. Surgery was well tolerated with quick recovery, chemo & radiation totally wiped out his positive attitude and energy. PEG tube was inserted 3 weeks into his treatment, could have been done earlier but he refused it, trying to make it through on his own. Our biggest problems have been his inability to eat more than liquids (he refuses to eat pureed food)and depression.Depression is being treated with some improvement. He so fears that he will never eat real food again and if he can't eat sees no quality to his life or reason to continue. His recovery has been further complicated by recurrent infections of the mandibular plate securing the bone graft. Tomorrow he will have surgery to remove the plate and scar tissue and reconstruction of left side of his neck.
I am a retired oncology nurse and I have no difficulty dealing with his physical care, dressings, tube feedings, medications etc. but I do have difficulty with the continued depression and hopeless attitude. He sometimes accuses me of not having any sympathy for him and at times I suppose that is true. I have seen patients overcome health challenges so much worse than his. I might add that all his checkups and CT scans have been negative for recurrence at this point. I guess I would like to say to Valerie be thankful for "superman's" attitude and hope he can hang on to it through treatment, just be there for him in case he finds out he isn't "superman".
Thanks for the letting me vent.

Hi, Wife! Welcome to OCF! Looks like your hubby and mine have had similiar diagnoses...how old in your man?

Know that our thoughts will be with you as you go through hell again with this surgery..

Feel free to post and VENT until your heart's content! We caregivers deserve Academy Awards, or at least a Nobel...

My 'superman' refuses pureed food, as well..thank God for the PEG!

Lois & Buzz in NC

To Wally's wife: I hope your post does not get lost here. I would move it if I knew how.
First, I think your being an Oncology nurse is a "mixed blessing". Knowing how to deal with the physical aspects of this disease is a very good thing[ that scares most of us sh*tless]. Dealing with the emotional aspects that have attacked your husband is a far different matter and very personal.If yor hubby has always been a strong, healthy man,a family provider, the caregiver to the family, what is this doing to him emotionally?
Each of us reacts to the word "cancer" in a totally different way and each of us gives up our independence in a different way.It sounds to me that you have given your all to the caregiver role but he has not yet been able to recover from the shocks to his physicial and emotional stress. What do you think might be the next good avenue to explore? Amy in the Ozarks

I don't know how to move this either.
But you need to be a wife first and foremost, stop telling the people who should be Wally's carers what you know. Let others do the nursing and you do the loving wife.
Although this post is in danger of getting lost please stay with us, we are not a bad crowd.
Sunshine.. love and hugs
Helen

Hello all. Hubby's surgery Oct. 17th went well, surgeon pleased with procedure and findings. We still await pathology report on removed tissues but surgeon said he did not see anything suspicious. Hubby is relieved it is over and looks forward to improvement, as do I. He will be in hospital for a week so a bit of a caregiving break for me although I visit him daily. I am trying to keep my clinical thinking mode in check but I probably do use it at times as a coping mechanism. Thanks for all your support, it does feel good.
In answer to your question Emmylou, my hubby is 67 years old. It does sound like both of our men are dealing with a similar situation.

Glad the surgery went well. Sounds like you and your husband have been through a lot together. I hope things continue to go well.

Wallyswife
Try to get some me time..
Remember as the main carer the whole thing revolves around you.
Sunshine.. love and hugs
Helen