It is now one week since i came home.The first few days i threw myself into cleaning,gardening visiting the family and although i go to sleep quite well i wake at 4.30 am and watch tv or take the dog for a walk.I got frequent text messages from Robs family asking if i was ok and reassuring me that i had,done the right thing and all the week i heard nothing from Robin.On Saturday i had my 7 month old Grandaughter for the night and on Sunday my Mum amd my Son and his other half came over and we had a barbecue.They all went home at 4pm, and i washed up and walked out into the garden.The sun was shining the garden looks brilliant and i picked up one of Josies toys and sat down in the chair.Then the tears came.The first since i came home and now i am in bits.I havent eaten much since i came home now i feel sick in my stomach and am on the verge of tears all the time.I feel like i guess i would if he had died but i know he is still here and i am consumed with guilt and worry about how he is managing,even his family havent contacted me since Friday.Why am i so pathetic,i was even convinced he would ring and ask me to go back for his cancer centre appointment on Thursday to such an extent that i told my son i wouldnt be able to have Josie for the day.Someone out there deliver me a hearty slap and tell me to pull myself together(anyone except Petey who's PM hit home ; thanks)

Cookey, YOU are not pathetic, the situation is. You are strong, supportive, sympathetic, and a warm and loving caregiver. Robin needs to help HIMSELF if he hopes to get better, and only HE can muster the fight he needs to defeat this. You have gone beyond all you can for him...now it is his turn. We sure are all familiar with the "not hungry/sick to my stomach" feelings you are having, and our hearts go out to you. Please let us know when you are in touch with Robin again, and how he is doing.
Hugs, JaneP