My husband is going through radiation right now. Today is his 15th one so we are halfway through the 30 treatments. Everyone said it would get worse and it is. He's pretty much not eating and has lost 5 pounds since Friday. The dr. told him he would not be working next week. So I guess the worse is still coming. Overall, he has had I good attitude but is starting to get really crabby. Last night he was pretty short with our girls. I'm trying my best to be supportive,caring, encouraging, etc. But sometimes I just want to scream and tell him you brought this on all by yourself by chewing that stupid tobacco! I know that I can't do that but sometimes I just want to. I just want this to all go away so bad. I want us to have our normal live back. I'm sorry for feeling this way. I know I need to pull myself together and quit feeling sorry for myself.

Hi, unless you are a robot, those emotions are gonna fly. I am sure your husband is more upset at himself than you are. He knows he shouldn't have chewed tobacco. And he's never going to forget it. He is probably so scared and angry and a million other things. You and your children are probably scared and angry and a million other things. All I can say is... one day at a time. That is how this disease goes. It is a sad reminder of how important little things are.
You are going to be his biggest cheerleader. Try not to take things personally. Breathing is also a good thing. Hang in there. You always have this wonderful site as support. I wouldn't know what to do without it. Good luck.

I have not had radiation but it is in my future. I read a lot about it.If he does not have one he may need to get a PEG(feeding tube) if he continues to not eat and stay hydrated. You do not want him to have to stop treatment because he is too weak. Many people have had to get IV's to re-hydrate while in treatment. His swallowing will get worse and more painful. I read that some CCC's will not start radiation unless a PEG is in place. Ask your Dr. about this. I'M NOT A DR. JUST AN AVID READER WITH A THIRST FOR KNOWLEDGE.Your job is almost as hard as his treatment. Some will say harder. This is the perfect place to vent. You are not alone here.Wishing you the best. Petey

My sister is in a situation very similar to yours. Her husband had his 15th radiation today, as well as his 2nd cisplatin this week. They have 2 young children. How old are your kids? I hope you have support from family & friends to help with your daily schedule. You need to make sure you are taking care of yourself physically and emotionally. I, too, am mad and sad that their life just can't go back to normal. I'm sure your husband wants that, too. So come here and vent all you want.

It's totally normal to feel angry at him for chewing tobacco. After 10+years of me badgering my husband to quit chewing tobacco, he finally did 2 years ago. Though he does not have cancer, if he were to ever get it, I can imagine how hard it would be to stop myself from saying,"I told you so"!

So when you need to get mad, get mad here! We'll help you through it!

Sue

Thanks, Karen, PeteyB, and Sue. This has been one of those days that things have really been hitting me. It's hard to explain to others not in the situation. When people ask " Are you doing o.k." It's hard to say, " I don't know right this second I might be but in 5 minutes I might be a basketcase.:" Thanks for listening to me vent. I have a feeling I be doing a lot of that.

Just wanted to say that when Marvin was about into his 3rd week I noticed he was getting more depressed then I have ever seen him sot we told the doctor and she gave him an anti depres whiched helped with his moods. Then I notice he was back to it and found out that he quite the anti dep because he didnt think they were making a difference but all of us could see they did make one in his actions. So I am now crushing that pill and putting it in his tube every night. You might ask the doctors to see if your husband could get something to help his moods. Hang in there. We are just staring our 2 week of recovery from 40 rad along with weekly chemo.

Read my post "Am i a monster"and you will see your reaction is very very normal.The difference is that instead of keeping it in and letting it fester,you have had the courage to put it into words.Once you have done that hopefully you will find it doesnt seem so bad.I still alternate between loving the bones of Robin, and hating the cancer and him along with it because of the impact it has had on both our lives.Every day is different at the moment 14 days post radiotherapy .In the morning he will be as bright as a button ,lunchtime sleepy and depressed,afternoon crabby and snappy,and the only thing he will say is that he is tired of this battle because he never feels as if he is winning the war.Like you he wants everything to go back to normal and he gets angry, stubborn and defiant of instructions from the doctors all in equal measure.I am the nearest thing he has to target for these feelings , and he aims and fires frequently.I have cried yelled pleaded and at the end of the day he seems as if he has taken my comments on board then turns round and does exactly as he pleases.You must try to protect the children from his moods though because they will get as resentful of his illness as he is.It is a hard road to travel ,make sure you use the experience of every one here who has walked the road before either of us.
Liz in the uk

Hey Daughters3.
I read a post in "Currently in Treatment" titled "When Mommy or Daddy has cancer".This may be of interest to you.