Hullo everyone,
I've written before bout friend with tonsilar tumour plus two lymphs. He's had 8 weeks radio and has got very ill indeed in the last two weeks. We communicate by messenger and he said yesterday that they wanted to admit him into hospital as an emergency. He's got severe weight loss and the pain meds and gargles aren't working very well. he said he'd let me know what was happening. He's now gone offline and I think he's probably going in. He hasn't told me where. I don't think he wants to be seen looking so thin and ill..we've been in constant contact before and since diagnosis in june. I feel so sad and lonely. A so-called friend said 'what's in it for you?' You should distance yourself..it's not what I want to do.

While your name might be "small minnow" I have to think that you have been a huge support to your friend. People handle illness & other life difficulties in various ways. Sounds like your friend is a private person & your on-line relationship is a great support to him while still maintaining his privacy. At 7 weeks of radiation my husband Bob was at his worst in terms of pain & meds not providing much relief. A month after radiation he started feeling better & the side effects began to decrease. Hang in there, pat yourself on the back for being a good friend to someone in need. I hope your buddy will be in contact soon.

Small Minnow, you're friend is lucky to have you in his life. If they are saying he needs to be in the hospital, then he is in the best place right now. He will get the care and medical attention he needs in order to help him get through this. Radiation is brutal, not a fun time at all. I'm sorry you're feeling so sad and lonely, but he's going through a rough time right now, and I'm sure he will contact you when he can. I know he appreciates your concern. You take care and try not to worry (I know that's easier said than done).

Shelley

Small Minnow,

After 8 weeks of radiation I was also feeling truly miserable and somewhat embarrassed about how unhealthy I looked to people who had known me for a long time. I found it harder and harder to interact with people (although I couldn't avoid it completely, as I was still working part-time). I disagree with the person who told you to distance yourself -- you've let your friend know that you're available if he needs your help, and that's so important at this point, even if he's not ready to let you help. I'm hoping that with some more intensive medical support from the hospital and the end of his radiation, he'll start to see some improvement soon and get back in touch with you.

Cathy

Small Minnow
You are a good friend to have, can you ring around the nearest hospitals that your friend might be in, if you can you could send a card and one of your chatty notes that I know you are so good at..
Sunshine.. love and hugs
Helen

Small Minnow, I was admitted to hospital when I stepped into the 5th week of treatment. My husband and I felt relieved when I stayed in hospital because I had doctors and nurses taking care of me. I could not eat,lost a lot of weight, had high fever, very low white blood cells count...etc. All these complications if not treated well could cost my life. It is very normal that your friend isolates himself. I only allowed very close relatives to visit me because they had to feed me and 'wash' me. I couldn't even take a bath by myself.I didn't want my freinds to see how terrible I looked. Your friend needs your support at the moment spiritually, if not physically. If you feel lonely, your friend is hundred times lonelier than you!

Karen.