Hi everybody. My dad has been home for two weeks since his last surgery.(Plate in jaw rejected) Well, I told you they found three spots in his mouth that was more cancer. Well today he went to the VA to get his port cleaned out for his second round of chemo and they told him he has lung cancer.
All you could hear were crickets.
And maybe a pin drop.
So do we fall to pieces because this is just so too much, or do we thank our lucky stars that because we are in treatment for the oral cancer we found this cancer early?
Ok. Both.
My dad had a muscle taken from his shoulder/chest and put up through the neck -floor of the mouth in his first surgery. He complained that everytime he moved his head this muscle would pull and hurt really bad. This has been really swollen since the first surgery last summer and never healed properly. They said today that there is fliud aroud that area, but can't drain it out because that too has cancer all around it. AUGHHHH. I have found a clinic for cancer called Issels Treatment in Santa Barbara. I want to have my dad fly there(I'll go pick him up, take him, and stay there) and do that for three weeks and then he would start his chemo-rad in five weeks back in Atlanta. This would be to really get him back to his optimal health, try to restore the body to accept the chemo and really get the full potetial out of it. Does anyone know of this clinc? Does this sound like I am dragging him all over the place? I might have asked about this before. If I have sorry my memory is a bit squishy lately. Overload I think. Well that's my update. Thanks.

Karen, very sad news you have reported. First thing that pops in my mind is " Does your Dad WANT to be dragged all over the country?" Hopefully others here can respond to the Issels Treatment in Santa Barbara. Amy in the Ozarks

I cant tell you how sad i get to hear of someone who has toiled valiently to the top of one mountain only to find he has another one straight ahead.My sincere good wishes in whatever you decide or rather he decides because ultimately it is his decision Karen and i hope he makes the best one for both of you.Hard as it may be as his daughter you could have to accept that he might not want to go down that road ,and if he does i hope you find the strength to support him.

Liz in the UK

Karen,

I think you have to have a heart to heart with your Dad and ask him what he wants to do. I know that when our Aunt was diagnosed with her recurrence and mets to both lungs (at the same time), my Uncle and all of us thought she would be anxious to go for it and do everything humanly possible to beat this thing. After a very short period of time, her decision was quite the opposite of what we had anticipated and fully expected. They are the ones going through all of this and as much as we can be there with them and for them, they are already exhausted just from having cancer and from recovering from all the types of treatments.

My Uncle hired a car and took my Aunt from the very east end of Long Island into Manhattan (more than four hours away) to see a supposed big deal cancer surgeon after that, and the combination of almost nine hours in a car in one day and that surgeon's brusk crabby attitude, was how my Aunt finalized her decision. Ask your Dad what he wants. Physically he's dealing with recovering from his recent surgery, and mentally and emotionally he's try to get a grip on the recurrence and metz news. It's an awful lot to handle.

Hugs,
Lisa

I think it's very normal to go into planning mode when you get news like this and want to "take charge" but it won't be your decision to make. In the end it all depends on what your Dad wants, what are the chances that whatever it is will work and with what side effects, how realitic your goals are, and quality of life considerations.

Every single one of us are going to face end of life decisions either for ourselves or someone we love. Make no assumptions on how he feels, and be prepared that it might not be what you would do. This is a time for good listening and attention to body language if he isn't able to express his feelings freely.

It is obvious that you love your Dad very much and he will need you to be supportive of whatever decision he makes. You will find the path you are meant to be on.

Regards JoAnne