Great news. Better news than we could have hoped for. My mother (Helen, 84) and I went to see the radiation oncologist today, with my mother fully expecting to refuse radiation treatment no matter what he said. Instead, she was surprised when the doctor said he did not see the need for radiation therapy!

She had one third of her tongue excised and neck dissection on July 2nd (stage II). The post surgery biopsy confirmed that the surgeon (as much as you can reasonably say) “got all the cancer.” The oncologist said she had 13 lymph nodes removed but only one had cancer, and the cancer was fully encapsulated. There was perineural involvement only on the section of tongue that was removed. The oncologist feels that her chances of staying cancer-free are maybe 85% and that with radiation therapy that figure would improve by only 5%. (We are not banking on those percentages, but still it sounds like the odds are in her favor). He feels that the side effects are not justified by the slight benefits of undergoing treatment.

We know she has many, many of months of touching base with her head and neck surgeon and that she is not out of the woods yet. But we feel lucky that she caught the cancer relatively quickly and that, at her age, she is being spared the radiation treatment.

I would like to hear some comments from other caregivers on how they manage the psychological and emotional aspects of caregiving. In the last few weeks I often didn't know what to say to my mother. I was anxious too and wanted to protect her. I was afraid to be too optimistic and give her false hope. I felt like I needed to be very careful of what I said. I felt letting her read everything that I read on the Internet would be too scary. Once when I was reading her a post from this website, she started having an anxiety attack. Reading this website and writing in my journal helped me keep my wits about me, but I still feel I was somewhat inadequate in providing my mother with information, hope and emotional support. Any suggestions?

Dear Sandra,
What wonderful news for you and your mother!! Having been the caregiver, I know how you feel....all the anxiety, pressure, stress.Please email me directly if you'd like..good luck and WooooHoooo for you!! Best news I've heard all day!!!!!
Brooke
[email protected]

Sandra,

That is wonderful news. I too had about the same situation, they took all of my lymph nodes and all were clear, I understand the joy. My husband was my caretaker and had many of the same feelings you have. But I will say, he was wonderful. He would make me take small day trips with him to keep my mind on something other than the continuing side effects of the cancer. He would listen to me vent, wipe away my tears, make me laugh and listen to my silence. I guess what I'm trying to say is you have to play it by ear. But I will tell you one thing, I felt much better when I forced myself to get up, get cleaned up and forced myself to do at least a small activity. I have been the caregiver for my mother and with her conditions, Parkinsons and degerative arthritis for over 12 years. Unfortunately, I had to put her in a nursing home 5 years ago. So even though not the same, I understand the concern and aniexty that being a caregiver can be. Take care and again, great news. Anne.