well, my sister, the one with tongue cancer, is talking about ending it all, killing herself. what the hell do I do? This is really too hard, she doesn't want to talk to anyone, she's angry with me cause I won't help her. Is this a stage in the treatment or desease?

Are you saying she is angry with you because you won't help her commit suicide or because you won't help her deal with the treatments? Many people get angry, depressed and frightened after a cancer diagnosis and have trouble coping and the radiation is a tough thing to go through. Do her Docs know about her mental state at present? Amy in the Ozarks

Do you live close to your sister? My husband has a hard time being alone. These treatments are awful and there are times he feels he won't make it to the next day. Emotionally, it is extremely hard. I'd be angry if someone wanted to do to my body what his treatment team is doing to his.

My husband has a ton of Rxs and we are thinking of looking into anti-depressants as well. The problem is they generally are not fast acting and take a little time to get into the system.

Sometimes it helps to just sit with him...even though it is hard for him to talk. He was never a big tv watcher, although, recently we have watched a lot of Frazier re-runs. Anything that will make him smile seems to take his mind off the discomfort even momentarily.

If you could spend time with your sister, that might help. But, you should also page her doctor this weekend and get some expert advice.

Dan is starting week 5 of treatments on Monday. Where is your sister in the treatment path? I think I read an earlier post that she couldn't get stronger pain pills because she was driving herself...am I remembering that correctly?

At a minimum, she should get some breakthrough pain pills for weekends and evening when she is home. Or, she should get really strong meds and you could help her by finding a way for her to get driven to the hospital. There should be a social worker at her institution that you could contact who might be able to help.

The Fentynal patch has been a godsend for my husband.

Hang in there, seeing someone you love in such distress is hard. Even though she says she is angry with you...that is the pain talking and she needs you.

My sister is hospitalized because she is not strong enough to walk or care for herself. WHAT IS A Fentynal patch? She is in her third week of treatment and soooo angry. Her cancer is also base of tongue with lymph node (left-upper only) involvement and stage 3.
She can't handle chemo so is only doing rad. she is on oxycontin and alprasalem(sp)

Fentanyl (note the correct spelling) is a synthetic painkiller marketed under the name Duragesic. It is far more potent than morphine, and many here have found it very, very helpful. The patch, which comes in various strengths, allows the drug to be absorbed through the skin.

Note that the instructions for using the patch must be followed to the letter.

If you do a search of these message boards for fentanyl or Duragesic, you will get a lot of information. The search link is in small type in the center at the top of every message-board page, under the New Topic and Post Reply buttons. Be sure to "Search All Open Forums" to get the most results.

-- Leslie

My husband is base of tongue with lymph node involvement-stage 4.

I can see why your sister is depressed. This treatment process sucks and my husband hates being in, near or around the hospital. Staying there daily has got to be really hard.

Even though this is an awful time of life, the prognosis for my husband is great and I'm guessing the same for your sister. Our RT said that they used to treat this with radiation alone...if you can only tolerate one treatment that appears to be the best one.

My husband is 48, how old is your sister?

I don't know if the alprasalem is stronger or weaker than the patch...but, what the patch does is provide a steady control of narcotic pain relief. It is worn like a bandaid. It takes 24 hours to get into a person's system and then it gets changed every 3 days.

My husband still needs additional pain relief (occassional oxycontin), but I noticed a HUGE improvement once the patch kicked in. His doctor's would like him to up the dose to another patch, but he's still getting used to some of the side effects (which are minimal compared to the pain).

I hope yous sister's medical team is proactive on the constipation front. Narcotics are very hard on the system and no one needs that additional discomfort.

Since your sister is in the hospital, I'd like to think she is getting the best pain relief possible. But, the issue I have with my husband is he hates being examined and answering questions, so I advocate for his comfort because he is not proactive in getting what he needs.

He wakes up in an excruciating amount of pain daily, but will say he is "fine" at our daily hospital visits to get out of there sooner. The medical staff can only treat what they know...so, I wonder if that is at all a factor in your sister's situation.

Does your sister have a spouse? Or, is there someone, like you, that she has signed off on for talking directly to her doctors? With HIPPA laws, there is a form that needs to be signed and then you, or someone else, can be much more proactive with talking directly to her healthcare team.

Like I said, I know all of my husband's symptoms and discomforts, but if he were by himself...his medical team wouldn't know, because he wouldn't tell them. And, he'd be suffering far more than he already is.

Tomorrow, I plan to discuss anti-depressants with his team. Another topic he is dealing with but will not articulate to his team aobut.

I think it's nice that you are helping your sister.

hi! had a long talk with my sister and finally discovered some things that we can do. She hates not knowing her progress daily,Docs didn't realize that she needed that. She needs to feel pro-active in her treatment even if it is just lerning how to cope with things, like the pain meds and anti-anxity drugs making her loopy. I TOLD HER TO GET LOOPY, IF YOU ARE OUT OF IT THE TIME MAY PROGRESS FASTER AND KNOW WE ARE HERE TO WATCH OVER YOU.

Forgot to mention, she's not married, has me and my daughter(and her family) only, is 69 will be 70 on 7/30/07. loves to write, always dreamer of getting published. I hope she can have enough time to reach her goal,

How wonderful that you helped your sister get to the source of her problems with her docs. Sometimes, I think there is so much duress that it is hard for a patient to figure out what their needs are. And, sometimes it's the little things that make a HUGE difference.

Does your sister like to write on a computer or long hand. If you can, I'd encourage her to write about this experience...the physical and the emotional roller coaster she is on...maybe this will be the book she gets published...and, maybe it can help her help others.

70 is young...my grandma is 94 and still gets around.

All the best,

Aprazelam is AKA Zanax and is an anti-anxiety drug. Progress can be painfully slow the last weeks of treatment and also for up to a couple of months post Tx. Acceptance is the best way to cope with it - and lots of meds of course.