emmylou,,hope all is well with you and your cancer... and hope all goes well with your husband...my loved one is home from the hospital and while he was there they did an mri and the cancer is worse then they thought.. the surgery they wanted to do is gonna be more intense and involve alot more.. i think he has decided to not have the surgery done.. i understand his point in not wanting it done and i will support him in what ever it is he wants... i just wish it was alot easier...but they say cancer is the beast and i believe it...it sure makes a person look at life a little differently...i guess we just have to live it to the fullest while we can..they say that every one has there time on earth and when God is ready for you he takes you home...

am i wrong in thinking like i am?? i want him to do what he thinks is right but i dont want to sound like i dont care by not pushing him into doing the surgery if he doesnt want it..i love him dearly..would be lost with out him...i just feel if i push him into doing something he doesnt want to do then hes gonna hate me for the results that may occur...what should i do?

Hi all, this is Barb's man EzJim. I just have to type what the Dr told me he has to do. He will take at least half my tongue, because the cancer is in the root too, so he will take the floor of my mouth too. For this he will make a flap using the skin from my left forarm to make a floor. Then he will take skin from my leg and do a graft on my arm . I have to have my neck operated on too and maybe a little more. I will also have a trach and a feeding tube will be inserted into my stomache. He can't tell me how long I will be like this and can't guarantee if it will work. Now you know why I might refuse the operation. I want my last moths or weeks to be good ones and not looking into space.Barb is too pretty a woman and much to nice to be tortured.

Jim, I read your posts in the other topic too. But what you said here about "wanting your last weeks or months to be good ones" really hit me the wrong way. With all due respect to those fighting this disease to the death, if you read peoples accounts of their loved ones dying from this disease, those are not what anyone would call "good" last days.

You have a 50/50 chance of not having this disease cause your last days at all! Do you really think you are doing your loved ones a favor by giving in to a nasty, not so good ending without even taking the chance you can beat it?

Nelie

Jim,

I'm married to a pretty woman too. As for surgery, I had pretty much evertything you describe except the tongue; instead of that, I opted to have half of my jaw removed, the entire fibula in my left leg taken out to rebuild the jaw, and skin grafts from both legs to fill in the extra holes. Oh, and let's not forget the neck dissection, the removal of the jugular, 56 lymph nodes, and a couple of "not too important" muscles.

Are you sure it's Barb you're trying to keep from the torture??

Sorry to be harsh, but do you REALLY believe that watching you succumb to a gruesome demise ( and it IS gruesome...slow, painful and ugly) is less tortuous than the treatment?

I know what my pretty wife would say; "give your head a shake. Better yet, come closer so I can grab you by the ears and shake it for you!"

I've got enough scars for six people. I limp, and sometimes I drool a little when I eat because part of my lip is numb.

I also value every single day I have with my pretty wife more than I have ever valued them before. And you know what? She still loves me, tells me so every day, and kisses me every chance she gets....and this after so long we have 3 adult children.

Treatment for oral cancer is hell on earth. It is torture, really and truly. It is also the ONLY chance you have to have your last days on this earth good ones. If you don't fight, and fight with everything you have in you to fight, this Beast will make CERTAIN your last days are so far away gone from good, you truly can't imagine how awful they will be.

your actual mileage may vary, but not by much
Wayne

Wayne I do know the tortures caused by cancer only too well. I was the caregiver for my mother and for my best friend. And yes it is hard.I never had a day that I could call my own, but I sure did the job of caregiver and with pride. I'm sorry you have been thru so much and admire your courage. I hope one day soon you can write in here and tell us you are almost back.. Have a good day and good luck in everything.. jim

I agree I need a second opinion and will try to get a refferal to Ohio State and begin doing it tomorrow.. We don't know each other but I luv you all. ezjim

Barb - you re right - Cancer makes you look at life differently. It makes you see the real inner beauty in a person and helps you to really appreciate life. Jim - sounds like you have someone so special who is willing to go all the way in fighting this cancer beast! But she can't fight it alone - it will take the two of you to beat it. When you talk about the "torture" of putting her thru this - it may just be torture for her to stand by and not be able to do anything. I know that when I was caring for my son thru his worst days of recovery, just being able to do something for him whether it was taking him to appts, making phone calls, fixing soup, holding him when he got sick or depressed - this is what kept me going, kept me sane. Just the thought of his giving up the fight would have been torture for me. I know we are all different in our reactions and your feelings and decisions are your own. I just hope you do decide to put up a good fight. Life is worth it.

And Wayne - you truly are a beautiful man! No wonder your pretty wife kisses you every chance she gets!

and i will make sure he gets a start on that second opinion...i love him to much to see him give up this way

Anne-Marie,,,yes it does hurt me to just stand by and not be able to help...i really want to be able to help Jim... but i hate to say it but the old saying goes..."can't help someone if they are not willing to help themselves".. sometimes i wonder why some men have to be so hard headed..but no matter what i still love him...