Sharlee - There comes a time when you have to think about YOU and give yourself some compassion. You have SO much on your plate and if you don't take care of You, you won't be any good to anyone else. Youngin is right - and if I had a left lug nut I would bet it too, that you are a great friend! You cannot make someone feel a certain way, especially when they don't have enough compassion to try to even understand. So just concentrate on You - and getting thru things a step at a time.

I am sending hugs your way. Take care of yourself, that is what's #1.

Amy

Everyone on this chat has my complete sympathy. It is horrible to loose friends even at times family because they just can't understand what the other person is doing or going through. I hope that all one day reconnect if, and when the time is right. BUT, know that if you don't it was probably meant to be by whatever force. Charity begins at home as well as a lot of other stuff so good luck and I am praying for you, your recovery, and the people in your and others lives that haven't accepted this beast yet. Love to all.

Hey Sharlee:

I'm new to this forum, and not familiar with all its protocols, and furthermore, I have only a few moments before I will be terribly late. So I have to be quick.......

First of all, it sounds like you have a lot on your plate to deal with. So relax, and don't be so hard on yourself.

Second, in my experience,a cancer patient has a lot of "alone time" to think about things despite the best efforts and wishes of countless loved ones and care-givers. It means we have the time to actually think about the issues we are faced with instead of simply acknowledging them and deferring the thinking part to the future.

Today's society is literally bombarded with so many things to think about every minute of every day, that many people never get around to actually thinking a problem through to the end. They don't have enough time, so they do a number of things all at once hoping to have everything solved by the end of the day.

So, people talk a lot more than they need to. Things get blown out of proportion a lot sooner and a lot easier than they used to. And with so much on their minds, people are not as sensitive to others as perhaps they should be. This all combines into one large cauldron of ka-ka for someone else who has available alone time to sit and worry about.

These people don't have bad intentions, or want to increase your burden, its simply that they have bad situations, and its always easier to cope when you can share the misery with others. Just opt out for now, and try to forgive their transgressions.

Third, try to remember that mind control is important to winning the battle. Thinking consumes a lot of energy - especially the worry kind of thinking - and you will need every ounce of energy available to you in order to sustain the battle. You cannot afford to squander any of your energy on reckless worrying. You already know the baby will be okay, so why let it control your mind ? Take control of the mental battlefield, and simply dismiss all the combatants for the time being. Tell them to go home; then, sometime in the future have them call your administrative assistant to schedule an appointment after you have won your own personal battle. Until then: relax, and refocus on your own life.

This advice might sound a little callous and insensitive, but YOU have to be the most important person and the number one focus in your life in order to survive this disease.

You do not need someonelse's problem as a temporary distraction to help keep your mind off your own situation. That,in my opinion, is a risky approach to survival.

There will always be a wide assortment of "other people's problems" for you to deal with, so don't worry, there will be plenty left for you to help solve once you have won your own battle for survival.

But until you have won the personal fight, stay focused on that. You surely won't be able to help anyone in the future unless you win your own fight first.

Just a few random thoughts that I hope will ease your load.

Good luck with the lymph node situation; the man with the scalpel managed to remove 27 of mine without even waking me up ! And I haven't had any complaints from any of the other lymph nodes who still occupy my neck, so I guess the ENT did a pretty good job just like he said he would.

I had total faith in my oncology team, and simply let them do the drivin' for 3 reasons: 1) it seemed like they knew what they were doing; 2) they convinced me that they had my best interests at heart; and 3) I didn't have a clue how to operate any of that fancy cancer-killing equipment, mix a Cisplatin Chemo-cocktail, or sharpen a scalpel !

I shall leave you with a thought that helped me empty a really full plate littered with other people's problems. I approached it the same way I would eat an elephant - one mouthful at a time.

Kindest personal regards,
JT2