I am trying to be strong, but i'm so scared and depressed I can hardly focus.

I find myself sleeping or walking back and forth in my house. I barely get my house cleaned at all. I'm not a slop by nature, but I feel like i'm turning into one.

It's beautiful outside, but It's an effort to sit in one spot for to long.

Someone please talk me outta this panic attack

Hi Ann Marie - Don't worry about taking care of your house, it will still be there after you take care of yourself! Unless of course cleaning gives you some exercise that relieves those anxious feelings. I use to vacuum in the wee hours of the morning when I woke up with that horrible anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach. Somebody on this site said that " it's harder for depression to hit a moving target" and it's true. I would also do toe touches and stay in the bent position - it made me feel like I was getting oxygen to my brain and it helped a little. Hot baths - deep breathing - holding a hot (not too hot) cup of tea close to my chest. If it's still beautiful outside it helps to walk around taking deep breaths. I'll bet if you called your doctor, he could give you something to relieve those anxious feelings. How about chocolate? ( I went thru a lot of those really good Ghiradelli carmel filled chocolate squares) Just hang in there Ann Marie - you can get thru this! I'm thinking about you and sending positive vibes your way.

Annette

ann marie2007 i know how that is i was depressed for awhilei had to stay busy not so bad now just hang in there it gets easier. ann marie is right if u call your doctor i'm sure he will give u something to relieve those feelings.

lynn lynn

Ann Marie 2007-
Don't panic. You're about to take a journey. A journey many of us have been on. It's a long journey. Lonely and painful and scary sometimes. You need to know you can and will come out the other side of it. When do you start treatment?

Hi AnnMarie2007,

My husband was pacing a lot too prior to starting his therapy. I felt so helpless not being able to help him. I called his oncologist and he prescribed valium and it helped him dramatically. Hopefully they can find something that will help you get through this. He said he felt more relaxed immediately, without feeling all drugged up.
We had expected the worst going through therapy and, for him, it wasn't as bad as expected. It is amazing how people respond differently to treatments.
Vicki

The "waaiittt is the hardest part". I remember pacing my house at all hours and wondering all the "what ifs". Once treatment starts you will be focusing on a goal and your mind will settle in. It then got really tough for me the 3 weeks after. I was done...yet getting worse every day. I used ativan and lunesta when I really needed it. I probably didn't use it enough. You will come out the other end and will be a changed person. Try to make this all a big positive in your life. Get all your friends and family around to participate and you will come out with stronger relationships than when you went in. Embrace the realtionships and it will all turn out ok. Were all here to ride the wave with you. All my best.
Rob J.

I agree the waiting is the worst. Here we are knowing that we have this terrible thing and we are waiting. But once the treatments start you feel much better in the fact they you are now doing something to fight it. When Marvin started his treatments and we got into a routine of traveling everday to indy then things seem to go better for us. Hang in there. Once you start the time will go by faster then you thought possible. Dont worry about the house it will still be there when you feel better.

" WAITING "

That is a word you will become very acquainted with through out your Journey.

You will wait for , treatment, scan,results of, waiting to feel better. Every time you tune around you will be waiting.

So try and take a deep breath and take one step at a time. Find someone to talk to as well. Read all you can here, the more you understand the better. We are all here to support you as you go.

Take care,
Diane

Hi, AM2007- here's a very simple piece of advice-Make friends with the dust Amy in the Ozarks

I am right where you are, AnnMarie. Getting mask fitted today, start rad/chemo May 14. As radiation oncologist was describing all of the steps, the medications, side effects, etc. yesterday, I really began to feel overwhelmed, but it passed.

In a very short period of time, we will both be able to begin counting the days until we are cancer free. I am going to continue working as long as I can, and will remain active otherwise. Sitting is the worst, as it gets the mind rolling, which is a bad thing. ;-)

We tend to focus on all of the bad stuff that CAN happen in terms of side effects, and our mind turns that around and makes it seem like they WILL happen. According to my oncologist, about half of those going through this treatment course have "minimal" side effects. With anti-nausea and saliva producing medication, quality of life is significantly improved.

Keep posting and good luck. You will be in all of our thoughts.

Thanks to all of you. I already got fitted for the mask and will start treatment on May 3rd. Just got a call today that they want to do 2 rad treatments one day a week and one treatment the other 4. Does anyone know why they do this?

AM 07,

There are many variations to the typical IMRT radiation treatment cropping up. All are designed to kill our cancer quicker and give it less chance to recover. That is why they stress the importance of completing the Tx without delays. Some other examples of the different variations are 2 rads a day with 1/2 the rad each time for the normal 6 to 7 weeks and 1 rad a day with double the rad for 1/2 the normal number of weeks.

The flip side of trying to kill the cancer as quickly as possible is sparing the normal cells of excessive damage. This balancing act has the researchers experimenting with these new variations.

My Tx at Moffitt is different even now for new patients and I just completed mine 8 months ago.

Please have faith in your team and try your best to complete the whole Tx on their schedule.

I agree with so many other posters about this. The wait is absolutely the worst. Not having the information, or the experience makes you feel powerless. Even when I was sick during chemo and tired from the radiation, I felt like I had a plan, and I was following that plan.

Every day is a step forward...

Anne marie 07


Yup just like every one says ..waiting is the hardest part ..fear or the unknown. I had a hard time to with anxiety ..HOT BATHS for me..that and looking on here to learn as much as I could . My dr put me on Buspar too . however that dropped my blood pressure dangeroulsy low so I had to go off and opted not to try anything else.SOON you will begin and you anxiety may lessen due to the fact you will know what to expect and you will be Fighitng this horrible disease !

AM007 - It's true what Jeff says - about how your mind can just go to the worst that can happen instead of the best that could happen. Everyone reacts differently but the fact that some people do get through it with minimal side effects, also means it is possible for you to get through it the same way, too! Waiting is definitely the pits! the "Fighting" stage is SO much better and you are almost there. Hang in there and do whatever positive thing you can to get your mind concentrating on the positives coming your way.

Annette

How do you know if cancer is in your tongue? I keep getting a tingling in the right side of my tongue. The soreness of my throat is now moving to the back of my throat.

Am I even posting this in the right thread?

I do feel a bit better as I am starting to understand more.

I only meet my teem as I go alone. I meet them all at once rather quickly the first day I was there, and that scares me too

AM007 - Any information you can get will help you feel better and more in control so you can fight whatever comes along. Have you checked with your doctor about the tingling in your tongue? When you meet with your team, or appointment, it would really help if you did have someone go with you to absorb all the information they throw at you. When you are trying to think of everything, it's easy to miss a point. When my son had his initial appointments, there were three of us there with him and I remember one time, each of us (4) remembered something different about a particular point! Not only that, the scary stuff is a lot easier to take when it can be diffused among more than one person.

I have no one except my ex-husband who goes with me. I did buy a tape recorder so I can review all that's been said. The Treatment starts this tuesday, May 2, 2007

Anne-Marie 07- just remember that starting Tuesday your life is going forward. Stay strong, Lady. Amy in the Ozarks

Anne Marie.....I think that once you get started, and get a routine, as unpleasant as it might be, you are going to feel better. The unknown is a scary thing. Our imaginations don't do us any favors, do they? You are gonna be fine. And Tuesday is ALMOST here. I call my surgery "my adventure," ...and there were blessings mixed into the obvious difficulties. Try to see the blessings. They are there, and I can tell that you have enough sensitivity to see them. Please let us know how you feel after Tuesday!! You go, girl!

will your ex. be able to go with you on Tuesday? I hope so. XO