How do you do it? I cannot walk into a hospital and lay on a bed and wait for "IT". i HAVE anxieity and cannot make myself do it when it comes down to it. I cry and an so scared and I know that does not help and I am so lucky compared to some, but I cannot do it. How do you do it!Please, I need help- I cannot take anymore!

How do we do it? We all do it differently.
Some of us take anti-anxiety meds,
some of us take long walks by the sea,
some of us work to take our minds off the future, some of us hug our dogs,
some of us sit and rock and cry.
But the bottom line is, that all of us go through some of what you are experiencing.
We find SOME way to put one foot in front of the other one and walk through our days.
It is not easy, it IS possible.


Andrea

Peace, we are all a bit different about this -- I find myself to be a bit of a stoic/realist and am a bit accepting of the things I cannot change, plus some faith in the professionals that they will do their jobs, but my case was a walk in the park compared to yours.

I strongly recommend that you consult with your surgeon and get some anti-anxiety meds to help you get thru this. My Doc made it really clear to his staff that anything I wanted post-surgery, they should take care of it. Sounds to me like you need some help pre-surgery and toughing it out doesn't make any sense at all if it doesn't help you!

Depending on your personal needs, you may want a lot of family and friends around you -- If so, let them know it!!

Most folks really don't know what to do or say when something like this happens to someone close to them, so they do NOTHING rather than take a chance on doing the wrong thing. In other words, if you want folks around you, tell them that in unmistakable terms -- If you want to be alone (that would be my personal preference, but I think you feel differently about this), let them know that also.

Sometimes we just flat out need some human contact to get us through the hard parts of life and this is definitely harder than usual, so someone holding your hand might be just what you need.

Keep coming back here for some cyber-comfort to go along with the human stuff, because some of the folks here have been through what you are going through and can lend unique support.

Keep on hanging in there.

I hated lying on the table with the mask on, but you get through it. On the days I wanted to give up, I looked at my wife's and son's face and I prayed to God for the strength to get through this. On some days I got angry and said to myself I would not let this thing beat me. Some days I made jokes with the other patients. Just talking with the other patients, family and Drs helped too. As you can see I used a little bit of everything to get through. That's what worked for me. Everyone is different as Andrea said and most of felt like giving up. Find your inner strength, it's there, and use whatever you can to get through, just don't give up.

Peace,

If you are at a major cancer hospital with experienced head and neck doctors, you have to trust them to do what's needed. If you have any doubts about what's next, go to a different hospital for a second opinion.

I found that once I had a team that I felt confident about, I could rest and let them do their work. As Andrea said, it's not easy but it's possible. There are plenty of us here who have been through it and know that it's worth the effort to push ahead. Your medical team should have someone who can talk with you about your anxiety and help you to be ready for your treatment.

Cathy

Dear Peace, please tell you Doctors that you cannot do this by yourself, and ask them to assign a mentor who will be there with you through the process. If you do not have a family member available, then ask them to find a patient advocate, a nurse, a volunteer who will stick with you from this point on. I wager that 80% of the people [on OCF] going through this have help and we know how important that is. You sound "very alone".Is that true? If it is, then you need a partner and you need to ask for one. Amy

I did everything on Andrea's list and I prayed a lot as well. I was on anti-anxiety drugs from the date of my Dx and mainly slept through the radiation. The mask was a little uncomfortable and intimidating in the beginning but you quickly get used to it and as you lose weight it will loosen up.

Pete is also right that you need someone to walk along side youi through this. Being "bolted to the table" is the easy part. You can have some very rough days in the side effects department -BUT all of these things can be managed. Just take it one day at a time and you can get through it.

Peace,

I'd ask if they have a psychologist associated with the hospital. They will have some good techniques to help you with the anxiety. It is a normal reaction (I hope, 'cuz I sure had it), but it is manageable.

Clint

Peace,

Do everything everyone else has suggested and have them play your favorite music real loud while you're on the table. It made the time go by much faster and took my mind off of the TX.

None of us are super humans but we all got our minds to the point of accepting the rad Tx. How we did it is probably different for everyone but understand you must do this for the sake of living. Actually I found the table time to be relaxing and the cute young techs didn't hurt the process either. I just dreaded the rest of the day.

Peace, you can do it. Just tell yourself this is a part of your daily routine, like a shower, for the next 6 weeks or so. I marked each day off on my calendar and rejoiced my last day like everyone else did and you will to.

Go girl.

Hi Peace,

My Jack was the biggest baby on the planet BEFORE his cancer. He couldn't even go into the room when our son got shots because his arm would hurt and it made him upset. He thought getting his teeth cleaned was a major procedure to have.

Then along comes stage 4 cancer, surgery, radiation, and chemo and Jack found a strength that neither of us had seen before. You do it one moment at a time, and if you need an anti-anxiety medication - and many patients and caregivers benefit from that - don't hesitate to ask for them.

You also talk to your medical team at every visit. Let them know you're afraid and ask them for help. Also accept help from your friends and family. We organized everyone who was remotely interested to help with the driving back and forth, errands etc.

Keep posting as this is a support group of people who've been there. Take advantage of all the services of the facility you are being treated at. Most have comprehensive interdisciplinary team that work with you.

Jack found visualization worked - he picked calming memories of places we'd been to and put himself there to make the time pass. Taking Ativan to calm down was critical to being able to tolerate the mask.

You can do this, and it's okay to be scared. Jack thought of the radiation like a bug zapper - it was going after those cancer cells and killing them off. Every single treatment killed another one, and you are empowered by doing something to help yourself.

I don't think it matters how you get thru treatment as long as you do. If you need to cry, get medication, go for walks - well you'll figure it out. My big baby turned into a fighter for this, and the experience has changed him forever. You should see him go to the doctor now. He has all kinds of procedures and doesn't think twice about it.

When you have no choice, you find a way.

Good luck and stay strong.
Regards JoAnne