My husband has eight days of twice a day radiation left and I am falling apart at the seams. I've held it together pretty good till now. I think I had a mini nervous breakdown at Dana Faber today in the ladies room. I started to cry and these horrible sounds came out and I was shaking all over. They sent a chaplin in to see if I was o.k. My husband had just had yet another horrible vomiting episode right after his hydration infusion and I just lost it.{not in front of him). They keep tring different things for the nausea and nothing seems to help. Basically when he gets out of bed he vomits. So to top off my day, they loaded him up with Decadron{SP?} a steroid for the nausea. Well, we got home and my husband started acting completely crazy. He got very angry and short with me and accused me of having a power trip over this whole thing. He actually called his mother to come take him home. Long story short,he finally settled down and went to sleep. Has anyone had this experience with the steroids? I hope I can help him thru these next weeks, I really feel like I can't take anymore. And my three and five year old need me and I am in the hospital with Stephen evertday because I really have to be to keep on top of everything. How can I be there for everyone...I do have my parents helping but my kids need their Mom and my husband needs his wife. Thanks for listening, I don't mean to whine I just had a REALLY bad day...but sadly my husbands was worse.

Dear Kerry
try not to beat yourself up, being a carer is the hardest job in the world. I had to bring my daughter over from England to help me with her Dad. I was at the breaking point also....my Doctor then prescribed me Zoloft and I used it for 9 months.
Right now even though he is being a bit mean, probably because of the steriods or just stress, he needs you more than the kids.
Can your parents take them off your hands for a while? I honestly do not see how you can be all things to all people right now as your stress level is nearly through the roof....I recognize the signs ...I have been there.

Get some help Kerry...talk to your Doc see if he can prescribe something for you.

Feel free to come on here and whine any time you like ...we are good listeners.

Take care
Marica

Kerry,
It is so amazing what all these meds and treatments do to our husbands. We didnt have problems with the steroids, but last night my husband Erik was having a lot of anxiety and I suggested he take one of his adavan (sp)and about a half hour afterwards he started going crazy, he was flipping around in bed swinging, kicking, and he pulled his food IV pole onto himself and began to fight it, I went over to fix it and he ended up jacking me in the jaw. This is a man who is 6'4" and 250 (normally 300) pounds, I am not anywhere near his size. I am okay, but I called the doctor and we saw him first thing this morning. He changed his meds and we now know that adavan is a NO NO!! You have a tough job, and it surely makes it tougher when our spouses arent their normal selves. (or even close) I sure hope you have some other help in this whole thing, because it sounds like you need to ask someone to be with him for a few hours, while you go do something all for yourself. Get your hair done, or get a massage, or just go to the bookstore and relish the quiet!!! It is really important to take the time for yourself. I was told this over and over on this forum, and the only way to be the best "helper" caregiver is if you are caring for yourself. I have had some of what you describe as nervous breakdowns too, and that is when I know I need to call in some help. You will be amazed at how refreshed you will feel after taking a few hours to yourself.
God Bless
Im right here with you in all this
Jennie

Hi Kerry,

I have such admiration for all of you caregivers. It's such a tough job that is so suddenly thrust upon you. I just don't know where all that strength comes from. Sure it's natural to lose it sometimes and you have every right to do so. You have already started to get the best advice available from those that have been there.

I can address the steroid issue from my experiences with one of my dental partners. He has been on either chemo or steroids for over three years for treatment of his cancer, multiple myeloma. The time period that he was on steroids was a rough one. Everyone in our office noticed the change in his personality and he had warned us about this happening. Fortunately he had been told about it.

Just remember, things WILL get better.

Jerry

Dear Kerry,
I am a caregiver too and know exactly what you are going through. Caring for my sick husband was the hardest thing I ever experienced in my life. I got to the point where I could do nothing but cry (not in front of him, although sometimes he knew I did)and take care of him. After 2 months of this I went to the doctors and he prescribed Lexapro for me and told me I should have been to see him long before I did. It was a great help! Please take care of yourself and get some help to get you through this. Things will get better. Leon is 2 months post treatment and I am starting to see a major difference in our life. I agree with Marcia, your husband needs you more than your kids right now. Accept as much help as you can from your parents for caring for the children right now. It's not forever, it just seems that way right now. Take care!

Thank you all...why is it that women always know the right things to say to make you feel better...and I do feel better. Thank you all so very much. He has eight more days of twice a day radiation. I know the road is long to recovery, but is there anything that improves early on...just for some encouragement that there will be an end to this nightmare.