Hello all again, I need to vent some more. I am two weeks out fron the neck disection with a chest flap. I continue to have highs and lows. I seem to need a good cry every night after a fairly ok day. Try to shower every morning, do a little walking, feed myself through the PEG tube and take as little pain med as possible. I only sleep about 1-1/2 hours straight than wake up to shift weight, change positions, when will I sleep a normal night? My wife is back to work and I can't wait for her to get home each evening. I still feel like a burden to her and feel guilty for getting this cancer. She is a saint and supports me to no end. Just having her here to talk with is very soothing. Is it normal to shed tears when thinking about what should be vs. what the reality is? Dan

Strong emotions are both normal and appropriate. Probably for the first time in your life, you have had a brush with infinity, with a disease that can take your life away. It can be a bit overwhelming. After all, isn't it always the other person who is in the car accident, plane crash, and cancer ward? So give yourself a break, and don't beat yourself up. You are going to be a burden for a while and that is nothing to beat yourself up over either. But a loving mate understands this and everyone compensates until the bad times pass. As to your comment regarding what should be and what is... there is only reality. There is no

Thank You Brian,

You have a way of putting things into perspective like no other. I hope to hop off this roller coaster of emotions any day now. It feels good to lean on my wife right now, she seems stronger than I. I always knew how lucky I was to have found her. We have been married 32 years. She is also a nurse and is not flustered easiely. I am lucky. She told me last night to remember a phrase
she use's when times are tough "Remember This To Shall Pass" Thanks for letting me vent! Dan

Hi Daniel!

Cry, scream, be angry you have the right to be! It's not fair! One never knows what's around the corner. Take it a day at a time. Baby steps. Enjoy everything around you. Appreciate everything you see, you touch, you hear, EVERYTHING! You are very lucky to have your wife to lean on, to cry to, to talk to. You have us too! Always remember Life is what happens while you are making other plans. I always wanted a family, but, the cards that were dealt to me was to play the hand of life without children. I always felt sorry for myself, but now with my sister being ill, I appreciate what I have, not what I don't have. I hope I helped a little Daniel. Hang in there! Take Care XoX Flo

Dan, You might focus on the reality that this is "what should be" Your trials and challenges will make a better person out of you and most everyone around you! It is very OK and very normal to feel low and/or depressed at this moment.

Try your best to find just one small thing to be thankful for each day.

Thank your wife for me (and of course for you) she needs and deserves it. Rejoice in the idea that you ARE on the way back to life.

Dan,

Something that the medical people I work with pointed out to me is that it takes time to get over anesthesia. I was told to estimate a week for each hour of surgery. Being weepy and depressed could be related to that, too. Take it easy on yourself!

Sincerely,
Lisa

Hi Daniel:

It's been a few days and I am just wondering how you are doing physically and emotionally this week?

Hang in there,

Kim

I'm doing ok. A little bored this weekend. I am maintaining my weight thru the PEG tube. 8 cans of insure a day with 1000cc of water and I remain
at 124 lbs. Can't seem to gain any weight. Go for my rad work up on Friday. How long do most people wait to start eating after a neck disection with a pech flap?

Hey, Dan, How `bout those Packers ????? Seriously,you`re in our thoughts........things do get better, and anyhow it`s football season, so something`s gotta be right with the world.........Packer