Not forsure what to do. I found my husband putting vodka down his peg tube this was also done at the end of Oct. He was finally put on anti-depression meds. This weekend he was acting like he did in October so I was suspicions that he was doing it again took him in to the Doctor this morning and he took him off of the meds because of his symptoms. Tonight I discovered him doing it again. Not forsure exactly what the next step should be.

Anti-depression meds and alcohol can be fatal so it's probably a good thing that he is off of them for now. Alcohol abuse is an addiction. Was he an alcoholic prior to Tx? Vodka is the "drug" of choice of hardcore and maintanence drinkers. Ultimatums rarely work with addicts/alcoholics. It is entirely appropriate to set boundaries however, with consequences.

He has to want to quit.

Be sure his doctor knows. I would tell him discretely if it were me.

Everyone who has been a member of this forum for any length of time knows my husband continued to use alcohol throughout his treatment apart from a period of time when he was physically unable to swallow any sort of liquids due to the severity of his radiation burns.During that period he never had a drop of anything,and i hoped that meant he would not revert to his previous habit of drinking every night.However after a considerable length of abstinence he started again as soon as he could tolerate it and consumed two pints of lager every night.
For Robin i knew it was an act of defiance aimed against his cancer,and was his way of saying he was getting back to normal,but there were occasions when his mouth was just too sensative and he couldnt drink any thing.I told the Nutritionist and to be honest she wasnt that bothered,but secret consumption of spirits down the PEG tube must be a real worry.
I think the biggest worry should be WHY is he doing it?
Unless as Gary has said, he is a hardened alcoholic,then i would guess he has serious emotional issues that need to be dealt with. I would concentrate on trying to get him to tell you how he is feeling and why he needs to use the Vodka.Where is he getting it,and what do you think he would do if you emptied it down the sink?
His behaviour may have consequences but it must also have a source,and for now as his carer you need to identify that i think.Feel free to e-mail me if you think i can help

love liz

Thanks for your quick replys. He did go for treatment in 91. He stopped using the hard stuff but continued to drink beer which his counselor said was fine. At that time I questioned it but not real hard. I'm hoping he will call the dr tomorrow and let him know but I also thought about doing so too but not telling my H. in the hopes he would do it. I will be suggesting that he does. As far as I know this all started up at the end of Oct. If you have any other questions or suggestion I welcome them.

Janet

Sorry, but had to jump in here. I have been sober since 1994. Any counselor that tells him that beer is O.K. is an idiot. The others are right -- he has to want it for himself. The cancer treatment right now is providing him with a great justification for his alcohol consumption. Threats will not work, but clearly delineating the expected behavior and consequences of non-compliance is entirely appropriate.

Wishing all the best for you.

I was married to an alcoholic and have to agree with Gary and Jeff. I would definitely tell the doctor discreetly and let him be the one to explain the consequences of his alcohol consumption. Coming from a professional may make the difference in his wanting to quit and survive. The doctor may also have ideas or suggestions of his own that might help.

I also was married to an alcoholic and agree with all of the above. If he never stopped dirnking beer, he never really got sober and pouring vodka down the PEG is pretty clearly alcoholic behavior.

You should definitely tell his doctor because there are many meds that interact very badly with alcohol or which drinking alcohol makes taking the med pointless (this is the case for many antibiotics for example).

As for him changing, as others have said, he has to want to do that himself. I personally found al-anon, which is a group for family members of alcoholics, very helpful to me in deicidng what boundaries I needed to set with my ex-husbands' drinking and, as you may have guessed from the fact he is my ex, eventually I decided just my presence was helping him avoid the effects of his drinking. But what you decide to do can be thought out much more clearly with the assistance of al-anon in my opinion--they will not tell you what you should do, just help you think about it in a productive way.

Nelie

Right on, Nelie! It was many years ago but I remember leaving my first Al-Anon meeting and physically feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders! Janet, you are dealing with so much right now - it's important that you take care of yourself, too. Stay with us and let us know what's happening.

Thanks I tried Al-Anon before but stopped going to them. I did call the Dr. yesterday and told them he started him on a new drug. Yesterday I had to go out and when I got back I confronted him about going out I also found another bottle which I believed was purchased while I was gone he denied both but I know that it was his because of finding it in the trash. Want to treat him like I would a teenager as far as what he can do and can't.
Thanks for all your help. I have told our daughter but I haven't told our son on what has happened or any of his family. I think I'm afraid of there rejecting him. Thanks for letting me vent.

Janet,
Maybe a family intervention, supervised by a counselor or minister (WITH substance abuse experience), would be your last resort other than doing a geographic boundary such as leaving.

Obviously the cancer itself wasn't the "bottom" (or "convincer") that he needs to reach before he can admit that he HAS a problem. Right now you are in more of a "rescuing and enabling" mode, which, you should know from your Alanon experience, doesn't work.

Since YOU have the problem and not him, you will have to take action. If it were me, I would go back to Alanon, find a sponsor and get some help for myself. One on one counseling (for you) might not be a bad idea either.