Hi, I'm a 36 yo married mum of 8 from Tasmania Australia who was diagnosed on December 20th 2019. I had my operation on 6th January. I had the tumour in my cheek removed and a neck dissection which showed metastatic disease in 1 lymph node. The margins were clear but only 5mm in some places so the plan is maybe radiation but I won't find out until Tuesday for sure. I am scared, I keep thinking about dying and wondering if there is any point making plans for the future, is this normal? I am obviously depressed by the whole situation, some days I can't get out of bed much at all. I just want to know I'm not going crazy and that other people felt the way I did. I feel so alone and like no one understands how I feel, I hate the way my face is, the scar is painful and ugly, my bottom lip is half the size of my top lip and it feels awful. I can't bear to touch it and I hate looking in the mirror. Are the things I'm feeling normal?

I know it's a bummer but the scars will heal. Oral cancer is a rare disease and I appreciate that Tasmania can't be expected to have many Head and Neck cancer specialists so you should seek out the best and if possible fly to Sydney or ?

If your cancer is not from HPV you'll need to avoid alcohol (I know that can be tough Down Under).

There was an American President, Grover Cleveland who had OC and there is a book "The President is a sick man" that I enjoyed reading. I think things will look better, especially as that scar heals.

Tameka, welcome to OCF! Im sorry to read about your recent oral cancer (OC) diagnosis!!! Being the mom of 8, this must be quite a shock you already have your hands very full with the children.

As I just recently wrote to another newer member... "dont borrow trouble from tomorrow" is a saying that helps keep your focus where it needs to be, on the present situation not "what if" situations that may never happen. We all have a fear of the unknown and knowing how deadly cancer can be its natural to worry about the unthinkable happening. I was a single mother of 2 teenagers when I first was diagnosed with a disease I had never heard of before back in 2007. I still remember everything I worried about back then. I can assure you, all those "what if" thoughts do not help at all, they only breed more negative thinking causing more worrying.

Do your very best to stay very busy with things that require your attention like reading a detailed book, start a new hobby watching a movie with an intriguing plot. Im sure with 8 children there must be a million things going on to divert your focus away from negative, unproductive ways of thinking about your situation.

Depression and anxiety are very common in oral cancer patients, so much so that even their caregivers benefit from talking with a therapist and/or taking anxiety meds. Its perfectly normal to be anxious and worry ab out a million and one things you are not familiar with. These are temporary tools to help get you past the rough patches. I also suggest reading both here on the online public forum and the main OCF site where theres page after page of important info about OC. By learning more about oral cancer, it will help make you a strong advocate for yourself and hopefully lessen your anxiety.

We are all our own worst critics and think we look far worse than what we really do. Im sure you are being very hard on yourself about your current appearance. Thats completely normal how society is so focused on appearances. Being different is NOT easy but in time everyone ages and looks do not last forever, we all get older and no matter how much we try, our age will show sooner or later. Whatever you think is looking bad probably is not even close to what other people see when they look at you. Healing never is as quick as we would like to see. Do your best to stay focused on positive things to avoid bringing more worry and anxiety. I learned how to focus on other things whenever I found myself "going there" I used to clean out my closets, then moved on to clean out all the dresser drawers after I ran out of closets. By staying busy it required me to focus on what task I was doing and helped keep my mind off my own problems and "what if's". If I can do it, I know you can too

Best wishes with everything!!! Please dont hesitate to post any questions and we will do our best to help you. We're all in this together and will help you get thru whatever you are facing in the upcoming weeks ahead.

Thank you for the replies! Feeling a bit better today was a bit down last night. I think I just need to ask my specialists more questions. I haven't even seen an oncologist yet so maybe I need to.