My mom is having her mandibulectomy + reconstruction on Tuesday and I've been managing from day to day but now it's starting to hit me. I'm trying not to freak out but I feel extremely anxious. Can anyone relate?

Sorry to hear you are getting anxious over the upcoming surgery! Staying busy is the best medicine for being worried. Try reading a book or getting involved with something which requires your concentration.

Best wishes to both you and your mom!

Thanks Christine. I've been trying. I have a pile of to do list that is growing higher and higher but the quality of my concentration is deteriorating. I'm trying to keep it together because if my mom sees me freaking out, then she will freak out some more. She started bleeding from her tumor again last night and she hasn't done that in weeks. What do we do while my mom is having surgery? How long before she wakes up from it?

I'm scared to see her after the surgery. I'm afraid of the journey we're about to embark on. As I read the posts from others, it makes me realized that tomorrow is likely only the beginning of the battle. I don't know how much fight either of us have left in ourselves. We both need a break. I feel alone and I'm sure she feels even more alone. I'm the only child since my brother has abandoned our family. My father is deceased, my grandparents are all deceased, my aunts are on the other side of the country. I feel that my husband and friends don't really understand and while they try to "help", I often feel more frustrated. I end up not wanting to discuss the surgery or the cancer. So then they give me space and I feel more alone. But I don't have answers for myself let alone for anyone else.

Please do yourself a favor and be positive this will help your mom and you (you need yoga!) anyway it's scary as hell just remember your mom will heal. It will take a long time, but it will happen. Also take time for yourself when you need it, and maybe see if you can find a support group nearby. Hugs!.

Nay,

I spoke to my parents about how they were feeling leading up to my surgery. My dad took it very hard, but bless his heart he tried to be strong for me, and I appreciated it.

Leading up to the surgery, the day before we didn't talk about it (my choice). The morning of, I simply told them I'd see them tomorrow, and they took me to pre-op. My surgery was 14 hours long, and I woke up in ICU. I had arranged for them to call someone for a surgery update about 9 hours in, as I didn't want them at the hospital (too stressful to sit and wait), then my surgeon was kind enough to call them when it was done (at 9 pm), and give them the update. Knowing they were getting info eased my mind.

They then came to see me in ICU the following morning, although I still have no idea at what time I woke up.

I gave them a list of stuff to bring to the hospital before hand for when I was moved to the ward.

You will be stressed, it's a given, but try and focus on after surgery rather than the surgery itself, as that is totally out of your control.

Good luck tomorrow.

Please post an update when you can.
Best wishes tomorrow!!!

The waiting game is very hard. Your Mom will be "out" for the day. Take yourself to lunch, go for a walk, read a good book. You probably will not see her until the evening and she likely will not be awake. It will do you good to see her though. I had to see my husband before I went home. Milestones after this type of surgery are small but significant. It will be some time before she feels better but that time will come.

It is a good idea to speak with a nurse before you see your Mom so that he/she can prepare you for what your Mom will look like after surgery. Remember she is in good hands and in a safe place. Her team will do everything they can for your Mom. They are pros who do this all the time.

Do you have any friends you can call for support? Meet up with someone for coffee? You don't have to talk about your Mom and her surgery but you do need to make time for yourself. Your Mom is going to be well cared for in the hospital. You don't have to spend your whole day there. She will be sleeping a lot the first few days. You will be better able to handle the post surgery thing if you are well rested and well nourished.

You have a lot of support here on the Forum. So please come back often. We are awesome cheerleaders!

Anita