Yes, the waiting sucks. Make the appointment for Friday. Tomorrow morning, call the office and oh so politely ask if there have been any cancelations, and if you can have your appoinment bumped up. The person who does the scheduling is your new BFF. Repeat Wednesday. Good luck!
Maria

Karen;
My impression is that while chemo and radiation can be very effective, if there is a chance to surgically resect a visible, descrete tumor or tumors that is what everyone should be working towards. Perhaps along with chemo RT or whatever your team decides. I also spoke with my oncologist one day and he said that currently, oncology residencies are teaching that if they are confronted with a curable cancer, then you hit it with everything that is available up to whatever the patient can tolerate. The line of thinking where they might say "well, its a small tumor and we think that it was fully resected in the O.R. so we can just give her a light dose of chemo or no chemo at all and watch to see what happens" no longer represents current thinking. Now its surgery if possible and all the chemo you can stand to make sure that every last cancer cell is dead, dead, dead.

Push call them daily see if she has any cancelations, ask to be out on a waiting list. Hugs waiting sucks,

Several months ago, I wanted a 3rd opinion at Memorial Sloan Kettering in NYC, number two Cancet hospital in the country, and a CCC, with the Radiation Oncologist, due to surgical pathology showing postive margins, and need for reiiridation. I had to send every single document, dating back three years for every test, CD copy of 11 scans, pathology slides, radiation plan, color copies of RT plan, etc, which was over 400 pages, to them before an appointment was even made! They kept delaying after they received 98 percent, saying a slide or two was not sent by a treatment hospital, etc., so finally after 4 weeks of calling, and knowing they had everything, I calledvagain, and was told thetecwas no reason for me to have a consultation, and to seek treatent elsewhere.. I was dumbfounded. I could have been told that from the start instead of wasting my time, and thought it was unprofessional. I was asked if I wanted my documents backs, and of course did. To this date I have not received it. luckily, during my wait, I went elsewhere for a consultation, and was happy with the Dr, and treatment plan.

Paul,

Did they even give you the reason for not agreeing to see you?

Hi David,

Not really. I assume since my case was a liitle more complicated, and I had prior treatments at another hospital, few would want to treat me, and it was probably known I was shopping around. I had an offer of treatment at my original treating hospital, Mt Sinai, which i told thrm sbout, but did not mention it to them about another offer at another nyc hospital after a 2nd opinion for another treatmrnt option.. I was told to continue treatment at either hospital, mentioning by name the one I never told them about lol, and there was no need for a consultation since were good hospitals.

Paul;
Thank God that you are proactive in your own care. I wish that everyone would approach their healthcare as a consumer instead of as a patient. Eventually it becomes a full time job. For them to put you off for so long and then to deny you a consult for no stated reason is, to me, unconscionable. Sending healing thoughts your way.

Thank you Richard.

Paul, stringing you along and then not seeing you? I can imagine how horribly frustrated and angry you must be! I'm sorry to hear this about Sloan-Kettering.

I had the meeting with my surgeon Friday and have been a visibly emotional wreck off and on since. I tried several times to post here and couldn't find words. This is not me! I'm the one who stays strong and reassures all those around me that I'll be fine. The bigger the crisis, the calmer and more rational I grow (at least outwardly). It's how I cope.

The surgeon (who I'll refer to as "doc") kept me waiting for two hours past my appointment time. When doc finally arrived and apologized for running late, I smiled and said, "It's okay. I had nowhere else to be today, and I assume you are late because you spend as much time with each patient as is needed." I was determined to remain calm and to get through the list of a dozen questions I'd prepared. It seems like a bad idea to tee off someone who's going to do surgery on you!

Disappointingly, doc acted dismissive and annoyed that I raised questions about a possible connection with my current cancer and a prior tumor on my parotid. Doc also made me feel rushed and interrupted me midsentence at times, anticipating [incorrectly] what I was trying to ask. They were again dismissive when I expressed my concerns about my infant immune system and finally ended up hurrying me out the door saying if I didn't go, I wouldn't have time to talk to the scheduler before they left. As it turned out, the scheduler was still there but someone with whom they needed to coordinate had already gone so I left feeling more frustated than ever in addition to being angry (and ravenously hungry from missing lunch). I was with the surgeon about 10 minutes at most.

I felt trapped and uncharacteristically powerless because I didn't want to lose any more precious time in getting treatment started. I DO have high confidence in this surgeon's surgical and medical expertise. But it was extremely disappointing to have such poor rapport. The surgeon didn't get my sense of humor and couldn't recognize sincere compliments - I was trying so hard to focus on the positive and overlook the bedside manner. I'm not generally lacking in people skills.

Afterwards, I was wracked with self-doubt about making the right decision. Should I seek a different surgeon, or even a different hospital at the expense of more time? I don't think so. If I questioned the surgeon's competence, certainly, but I don't. Lots of people don't get my dry and often warped sense of humor so I probably shouldn't hold that part against doc. I am, however, accustomed to being treated with more respect. Everyone has bad days, and I think doc was having one, but that does not excuse rudeness and lack of sympathy for my concerns. Then there's the nagging doubt that I misjudged their competence.

I think the stress of the past 3 years is finally catching up with me.

So the end of this chapter is that I have decided to stay with this surgeon and this hospital, and I finally got my schedule late this morning - TORS partial glossectomy on Oct 11 (my 28th wedding anniversary) and bilateral modified radical neck dissection on Oct 24 (two days before my 59th birthday). I'll never feel certain if this is the right choice but I feel better for having made one. Time to get back into battle mode!

Karen, Im sorry your appointment was not the best. Ive seen several members who have not been happy with their doctors bedside manner but the doctor is an excellent choice for their situation. I hope this is whats happening in your circumstance. A doctor doesnt have to be nice to be top notch, but being nice sure helps a patient feel at ease.

Your choice has been made now please try your very best not to second guess yourself. "What if" are two huge words that can make you nuts. Try to keep yourself busy so the time flies before you get treated. I wish you all the best with everything. Please check back with us as soon after your surgeries as you can. We all worry when one of our own goes into battle. We will be right there along with you.

Best wishes!