FIRST OF ALL I KNOW THIS POST IS GOING TO BE PRETTY LONG AND I APOLOGIZE.

HELLO MY NAME IS LEONOR MY HUSBAND PHIL IS 37 Y/O WAS DIAGNOSED 7/2001 WITH SQUAMOUS CELL CARCINOMA OF THE TONGUE.HE UNDERWENT 35RAD/3CHEMO AND WE WERE TOLD THAT THE CANCER WAS GONE.THEN IN 3/2002 HE HAD ANOTHER BIOPSY AND THE CANCER RETURNED HE WAS IN DENIAL AND HAD COMPLIANCE PROB, THE DR SENT HIM TO A PSYCHIATRIST. THEN ON 7/15 HE UNDERWENT SURGERY AND HAD HIS TONGUE REMOVED AND UNDERWENT A RADICAL NECK DISSECTION. WE WERE TOLD HE WOULD NEVER SPEAK AGAIN, AND HE IS TALKING.BUT HE WAS SUPPOSE TO GO TO SPEECH THERAPY TO LEARN HOW TO SWALLOW AGAIN. BUT FROM THE SURGERY 1 OF THE WOUNDS ON HIS NECK OPENED UP AND HE WAS HOMEBOUND. HE IS SOLELY RELYING ON HIS PEG TUBE TO SURVIVE.NOW 3 WKS AGO 2 BOILS SHOWED UP AND WE PUT HOT COMPRESSES ON IT AND 1 OPENED. SO WE WENT BACK TO THE DR AND ANOTHER BIOPSY WAS PERFORMED BECAUSE THE DR SAID THE CANCER MAY HAVE RETURNED. SO ON FRI I CALLED TO GET A REFILL ON HIS MEDS, AND THE NURSE SLIPPED UP AND SAID THAT THE RESULTS WERE POSITIVE, WE HAVE AN APPT WITH THE CHEMO DR ON TUES, I HAVEN'T HAD THE HEART TO TELL HIM, I KNOW THIS WILL PUSH HIM OVER THE EDGE. HE IS ALREADY SO DEPRESSED AND WEAK HE'S 6FT TALL 150LBS.

WE HAVE BEEN ALL ALONE THROUGH OUT THIS, HIS FAMILY ABANDONED HIM BECAUSE THEY DON'T LIKE ME THEY THINK I MARRIED HIM TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF HIM, THEY ARE THE ONES WHO WHEN HE WAS IN ICU WOULD ASK HIM FOR $$.I'M THE ONLY ONE WORKING.WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 12 YRS,MARRIED FOR 1 1/2YRS,AND HAVE SUCH A GOOD MARRIAGE FULL OF LOVE AND RESPECT.I CAN'T IMAGINE LIFE WITHOUT HIM,I CAN'T LOSE HIM. I HAVE HIT ROCK BOTTOM,THE DEPRESSION IS OVERWHELMING, I HAVE NO ONE TO TURN TO.

PLS ANYONE THAT HAS BEEN THROUGHT THIS, OR HAS ANY INFO TO SHARR PLS HELP ME I REALLY NEED IT. I DON'T HAVE ANYBODY TO TALK TO.

THANK YOU

Oh Lenore, what a tough place you and your husband are in! Sometimes this thing just never seems to end. There are people on this board who are bravely fighting through repeated treatments, and I know your husband can too if necessary. There are many people here who know what you are feeling, so never think you are alone. The "one day at a time" philosophy works very well here. Nobody knows what the future holds, so wasting a lot emotional energy on that depetes you.

I am blessed with an optimistic disposition, and have not experienced depression. That said, many people here have and I have read many recommendations for getting help via counseling and/or medication. I strongly urge you to investigate this. Ask the doctor, the nurse, the social worker at the hospital -- just start asking for help, because your fear and hurt come through so clearly. That you have come this far tells me you have a lot of strength, and I know you will be able to handle whatever is to come.

Let us know how you and your husband are doing, Lenore. We care.

Joanna

P.S. If you can avoid typing in all capital letters, your posts will be easier to read. Just a tip.

Dear Leonore, I am so sorry to hear of all you have gone through and continue to go through. My husband was 37 when diagnosed with tonsil SSC. That was 2 and a half years ago, and although we worry that he will have a reoccurence, so far, so good. He did get on anti-depressants for awhile though, and I would recommend them to anyone going through this and the spouse as well. I will keep you both in my prayers, please know there are many people on this board that will do the same and will be here when you need to talk.

Julie

Hi Leonor,

I'm so sorry you don't have family to help you through this, but many people on this board have found a new "family" right here. Hopefully you will too. I sympathize with you on the compliance issue with Phil. I have some of that with my daughter Heather, who is 28 y/o and fighting tongue cancer.

I just found out today she hasn't been taking her antibiotic or using the fluoride tray. I hate to keep nagging her because she has been so nauseous and weak lately, but I know how important these things are. It makes it so much harder on the caregiver when they have to bully their loved one into doing what's best for them.

I think you definitely should follow Julie and Joanna's advice and check into getting an anti-depressant for both you and your husband.

Hang in there,
Rosemary

Leonor,

I can't really add anything more than Joanna, Julie, and Rosie have said. They know what they are talking about. Just know the OCF family is here for you and will help in any way we can.
I always say the careguver has as hard if not harder job than the patient. And what Rosie said about us making it harder on ya'll sure hits home (ouch!)
You take the kind thoughts and well wishes from everyone here and hold them close, then you'll know you aren't alone.

Take care,
Dinah

Hi Leonor,

I am so sorry to hear of your situation. I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and your husband and wish you all the best. I am sending positive energy your way. You sound very strong indeed and your husband is lucky to have such a strong partner. Hang in there! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband.

Take care, Sandra