I decided today I need some help dealing with life right now. After driving my husband to his PT and having to deflect negative comments for the 20 min drive, I stopped into my Dr. office in tears and got the number of someone to talk with. But it turns out ins. doesn't cover her or anyone in our area. (Don't have correct credentials.) So now I have to decide if I will pay out of pocket or drive an hour for a covered Dr.

My mom who lives 3 hours away suffered a mild stroke Wed. I was debating about moving her up here, with this experience I really need to soon. My son's fiancee, mother-to-be is stressing me out big time with her taking over the baby shower plans I was doing, she hates everything I have planned it seems, it is like she is giving herself the shower, (she even mailed the invites with her return address because she said she needed to be sure they got mailed, crossed quests she didn't want there off the list, they slighted her sometime in the past)...putting my son in the middle, so I cave so he is not in trouble with her. And then there is my husband who you all know that strain. Thanks for letting me dump - got to figure out what I am going to do.

An hour drive could be nice time alone to organize your thoughts for the visit, and again to prepare to return home.
I really cherish my therapy visits, but it's alone time that I am still lacking.
In any case, talking to someone is always better than not talking.
Deflecting negatives is exhausting work. Does Emmett have anyone to talk to? Would be great if he could work out some of that and spare you from it.

Christine

Karen - Just being CG to one person is a big enough job in itself, especially with your Mom that you are also thinking about, without having to worry about a shower. If your son's fiancee wants to take care of shower duties, why not? Maybe you can very sweetly say that caring for Emmett is a much bigger job than you thought, that you really appreciate her taking over and that you hope she can get the help of her friends (or relative) to make sure it's a nice shower. Whatever you can delegate to someone else, I would go with it, definitely. When my son was in treatment, my other children were grown, I was divorced and retired so I did not have other responsibilities and I can tell you that even with no other things to take care of, there were days when I was so stressed, without OCF to shore me up many times, I would have been ready for the funny farm. You can't do a good job of being caregiver if you don't take care of yourself! The suggestion about using the hour drive to organize your thoughts is a great idea. Maybe you could listen to your favorite music or an audio book of a favorite author.

Karen, I am so sorry you have so many difficult situations on top of being Emmett's caregiver.

If you weigh the out-of-pocket costs with the cost of gas, you'll probably still come out ahead. I like spending time alone in the car with my thoughts and some music (Usually on the road, but I've been tempted to spend time in the car in the garage with the door closed and the motor running--JK!) But, traffic being what it is here, it can be stressful...or not, depending. When my schedule is really busy, it is hard to fit in long drives to appointments. Still, making a trip to the doctor is a great reason to get away by yourself for a good break.

Maybe there is someone (other than your son, perhaps) who is always in your corner who can run interference for you with your future D-i-L. Getting ready for a new baby is such a special time for families. I hope you get to enjoy every minute of it, hostess the baby-shower, and make lots of happy memories. I hope your D-i-L realizes how important it is to you and how she'll cherish these memories in the future.

Good luck and congratulations on the grandbaby!!!

Sandy

Thanks for all the thoughts you have expressed - they are appreciated. I had a great MD dinner with my son and we cleared the air regarding FDiL. He loves her and I want to be in their lives so I will not take it personal. In the big picture it is no big deal.

Funny thing happened this week. Emmett has changed. I found a counselor just a 1/2hr away, and when I told him what I was doing - he said nothing but hugged me. It was a moment and we both agreed it felt good so I told him I would like a hug each day. Seems like a small step but it feels huge to me. He gave me a senitemtal MD card and then I left for 3 days to visit my mom and he did just fine while I was gone. Since I have returned he is much calmer and happier. But then he also is able to work outside on projects which he loves doing. Surprisingly I was not worried about him while I was gone. I think we have turned a corner.

I liked the Dr. and after listening to me talk for an hour her comment was she feels I am so scared to lose him that I am upset and in a panic when he is not doing everything I feel he could/should be doing to fight this cancer while he is handling this by being in denial and is angry with me for forcing him to face it. He never asked what happened at the appt and I never talked about it but I will coninue going. So life goes on.

I am so happy that you got to talk to someone.
It was such an immense relief for me to talk about everything to someone. Facing the loss of someone we love is difficult enough, but to wake up facing it day after day is monumental and life changing.
I am glad Emmett is in your corner for this.
Hope you get many more hugs to come!

I wish all of you caregivers as much peace as can be found.

With the status of his DX in question, I find myself still pushing...and J still resisting. He's angry, he disappears, he doesn't want to know more about any of it. Worse, he doesn't even want an updated scan. I can only hope that he will come to face it on his own. I do not push as hard as I want for fear of closing that door. Hearing of positive changes in attitudes (that hug was HUGE!) gives me hope. Thanks! Blessings to all and to your loved ones.