Don't know anything about her finances but any/all of her bank accounts should be in joint names or at least switched to POD accounts. Safe deposit box as well. Get a simple will prepared. Prepare a POA, Health Care Directive, etc. Most patients in her state don't last many months with some drifting in and out of mental capacity.

POA = power of attorney (got that!) but what are POD accounts?

Im sorry that you found out such terrible news with all the details. Its very sad, Im sure you are very upset.

I agree with everything David wrote. Get her affairs in order right away. She may not have that long if she was stage IV a few months ago. You mentioned about her facial disfigurment which means the cancer is growing. Oral cancer can move very quickly.

You tried. If she refused to go for another opinion then there isnt anything you can do. It really is a shame that she kept her health so secretive. Radiation isnt a walk in the park, its downright hard but it can also save a life. Anyone who went thru it knows how terrible it is but we all chose to try so we could still be around. Since Ive joined OCF, Ive seen so many good people fight and give it everything they had and cancer still gets the best of them. Its so sad when a person comes along that wont try. If a patient refuses treatment then you cant force it on them.

Im glad you found OCF so we could give you some guidance. Im so sorry that we couldnt help you more. I wish you all the best with what is upcoming.

Thank you once again everyone. I am glad I found OCF too! All of you have been wonderful. My brother had stage 4 Lyrnx cancer and fought it, wanted to give up many times. His life is altered as he can't speak/smell or breath well anymore but the bottom line is he fought and is cancer free.

MIL doesn't have any money. She does have medicare and they are going to get everything covered and trying to get her moved into a home today/tomorrow. They just want her out of the hospital because they can't help her anymore. In California they have an In Home Support Services that helps but sadly it takes WEEKS or a month before it is approved. Her doctor said surgery is not an option and end of life treatment is the best option at this point, Hospice. I already called and signed her up with Hospice and now there are waiting on the doctor to approve/write her order.

As for the Health Care POA I have already informed her daughter do it NOW, no delays along with a health care directive (I think thats the name of it). Her mind is in/out so better to make her last wishes documented immediately. MIL is in complete denial, super sad that she didn't fight, actually pisses me off she HAD a chance to beat this even though it came back. She originally was diagnosed in 03 or 04 and pretty much kept it a secret until 07 when I found out, then it was hidden all the way and avoided discussion. Stubborn fool.

She didn't even put on a good fight to save her own life for her children and grandchildren and won't even get to meet her new grandson (1st boy in the family for a long long time) who is arriving in May. I hope to get some pictures of her with my children so they can look back and remember her.

Thanks guys and I will keep you posted.

If you have a modern flat panel (plamsa or LCD/LED) there is no radiation. If you have an older style TV with a CRT in it you won't be at risk because the 1" thick front glass has lead in it. The x-xays are generated in the high voltage power supplies. The gov. has had radiation leakage from monitors and TV's tightly regulated for many years. Ionizing radiation typically doesn't cause SCC, more than likely it would be adenocarcinoma, if it did cause cancer. There is no radiation "pill" but their is a form of radiation called brachytherapy which uses radioactive seeds implanted directly into the tumor. There is another form of radiation therapy called PBT or Proton Beam Therapy. If you are located in So Cal., Loma Kinda offers it. It is the most advanced treatment available, has perfromed well for head & neck and causes zero tissue damage.

See: http://www.llu.edu/central/info/legacy/chapter5.page

To be sure radiation therapy can cause cancer and also some collateral damage, but without it I wouldn't be writing this to you now, 8 years after the fact.

Chemo is simplay an adjunct to the radiation and will not cure H&N cancer by itself. So surgery and/or radiation are the only chances of a cure at this point in time.

Stage IV is not an automatic death sentence, we have a fair amount of advanced stage survivors here. Conversely we have seen early stage patients die so there are no guarantees.

The purpose of IHSS is to provide services that a person can't do for themsleves such as shopping, laundry, light housekeeping, rides to the doctor, etc. They are not technically caregivers. Family members may be reimbursed at an hourly rate, not to exceed ??? for being that person. So you or your spouse, or any family member or close friend can perform that function.

So sorry to read your posts. I wil keep your famil in my thoughts and prayers. There is really nothing to add to what these great people have said.

Thanks again! Actually Gary the chemo/radiation pill is relativly new technology. My brother took it as a trial two years ago. I believe its just hitting the market now.

As for her cause of tongue cancer we are pretty sure it was from a south american drink called Yerba Mate, it's listed on the Cancer Institutes website that it's the 4th cause of tongue cancer, pretty scary (when consumed in large amounts. Figure 50+ years drinking it like coffee) and it has a carcinogenic in it. Just creates a higher risk.

She was placed in a home tonight for the next two weeks to see how she does. I know once you go into a home, usually you do not come out and the temporary remedy is death, sadly.

POD = Payable on Death. The owner of an account can designate a POD person who will become the owner upon their death. The POD person has no rights to the account while the original owner is alive, unlike a joint acct. The benefits upon death are just like a joint account as the new owner has full access to the account and AVOIDS Probate which the threshold in some states is ridiculously low.

If she has real property then a trust is the ONLY way to go unless you want to be in probate for months and give a lot of money from the estate to the lawyers and the court, not to mention "death" taxes - thank you Obama/Nancy. A will is part of the trust along with advanced directives. If she has less than a year to live you will need an additional document besides DNR or what is in the advanced directives. See this site for more info on POLST http://www.ohsu.edu/polst/

The POLST document is very specific about what measures or not to sustain life. It is a physicians order based on thr wishes of the patient.

The only "radiation pill" I could find, bedsides radioactive iodine, used for thyroid cancer treatment), were ones to reduce the effects of radiation in the event of a nuclear attack.

Radiation typically used in cancer treatment is either gamma, such as Cobalt 60, or more typically, ionizing, as from medical linear accelerators (LINAC). Gamma is typically only used in third world countries now. As it's potency diminishes it can cause horrific and permanent skin damage.

They have developed a brachytherapy technique that has 2 forms: one, is they implant the radiactive seeds directly into the tumor then remove them later. The second way is with a seed that can be charged, from a LINAC, then left in place and it simply disintegrates.

http://www.radiologyinfo.org/en/info.cfm?pg=brachy

It's not often used for H&N cancer however.

Thanks, David! I'd not heard of those as an option.

And Gary, since mrsM's mother in law has no money, let alone $5mil there will be no estate taxes to pay.

- Margaret