Hello, I am new to the forum. My life patrner has been diagnosed in May with stage 2 throat cancer and has since undergone and finished his chemotherapy and radiation. We are living in different countries but I have been doing monthly visits. End of August he had his PEG removed and was declared fit for travelling by the doctors. But the visit turned very traumatic as we ended up in hospital 24 hours after arrival. He returned a couple of days later as he wanted to be with his own doctors. Unknowingly he had been infected with Dengue before his coming and it peaked then. He was admitted in ICU for 10 days. It has thrown him back month in his recovery which has affected him emotionally very badly. I myself feel more an more worn out as distance and uncertainty affetcs me very much.

Long distance relationships are very hard. I know it's even more emotional for both of you when you're not able to support each other face to face.

Big hugs to you and Welcome to OCF!

His recovery absent anything thing else can take every bit of 2 years with the 1st year being the longest so prepare him and yourself.

This is all a part of healing as David just told you. This is one disease that plays on it's own field and at it's own pace. It all takes time. I want to wish you the best of luck .

I could not imagine, that has to be extremely tough. I hope it all works into place. You have friends here, I can always relate to someone here, you have come to the right place for sure.

Your Friend,

Nathan

Dear All,

many thanks for the replies. Felt better than in ages after having talked about it and getting supportive replies. When we first saw the doctors they talked about the treatment schedule and time seemed to be managable. I now understand that it was a blessing to be ignorant then; otherwise the motivation for him would have been compromised. Thanks David for the realistic outlook as it puts all the ups and downs in proportions. As good as it is for me to have a realistic outlook do you think it is a good idea to introduce him to the forum? He is very withdrawn at the moment and talking about his nightmares, something he never had before in his life.

I'm a believer in that it always helps to talk things out. Keep in mind that most of us suffer from some depression post Tx. The fear of the unknown was cause for mine concern. Ease him to the site. Perhaps leave copies of selected posts lying around for him to read. Encourage him to open up and then ask us.

Nici - It's great that you are so supportive of your partner and I know it must be difficult to do so at a distance. When I first came to this forum as a caregiver, my son was very depressed and when I suggested he come and post as well, he felt he just couldn't do it. I think he was afraid of getting more depressed. He did register on the forum after a while but only posted a very few times. What really helped him was when I printed out copies of very positive suggestions and especially when he could see Davidcpa's comments on his experiences which were very close to his own. Maybe you could copy some positive posts and send them to your partner to read whenever the mood was right? Does he have family or friends close by that could offer support in between the times when you are able to be with him? Everyone is different, of course and introducing him to this forum may be very well received and a great source of comfort and inspiration to him, but if he doesn't seem ready yet, you can still help him by just being here yourself and telling him about the great support you are getting.

Welcome to OCF!

Recovery varies from person to person, but I think having him come and visit would be beneficial for him. The people on here are very supportive and it's nice to be able to relate to others that have been there and done that.

Many thanks for all th replies. Will be flying off tomorrow again to see him. Have talked about the support group and he said he would like to have a look with me.Yesterday's doctors appointment was cancelled and I suggested to postpone now to Thursday when I can accompany him, he sounded happy about that.
Would like to share some more about his condition: He finished chemo and radiation mid July and had his PEG removed end of August a few days before he came for the visit. Dengue got him around this time and in the first week of September he was admitted in ICU back in Delhi. During his stay he also got pneumonia, which has been treated since with various antibiotics but patch on lungs still there. Mid September PEG was reinserted as doctors advised not to take anything orally as apparently swallowed water got most of the time in the wrong pipe and ended up in the lungs. Doctors have given him the ok to start taking in things orally about 1 1/2 weeks ago. His problem now is that he has so much mucus in his mouth - has to spit it out every 5-10 minutes - that he finds it impossible to eat or drink anythink as it "flows with the all the other stuff around ". Anyone who has or had the same problem and any suggestions what might help?
Still thinking of bringing some food items - apple sauce, canned asparagus etc - which he was able to swallow before.
Nici