My best friend's husband was diagnosed with Oral Cancer about 2 months ago. He just had jaw replacement surgery 2 weeks ago - got home from the hospital last Friday. I've been so torn between wanting to call and check with them every few days vs. just waiting for them to call me. I am really concerned that they get the necessary emotional support that they both need as he goes through the healing process - there is just so much to deal with. I've sent cards, flowers, brought food, and told them both that nothing is too small or large to ask. Is there anything else that I can do / that I am overlooking? I thought it would be beneficial to reach out to those who have lived through it all.
Any insight you could offer would be most appreciated.

How fortunate they have such a good friend as you are. My son had good friends, too who brought groceries and cards, and visits. From some recovering from illness, I think it may be difficult to actually ask for specific help even when it is offered as you so graciously have. My son told me once that even though he had hesitated to ask for specific things beore, that the next time someone offered to help, he would tell them specifically what he needed and people were grateful they could do something. Perhaps it might be easier for your friends to accept help if you stated specifically what you might be available for such as asking if they needed errands run, picking up a prescription at drugstore, ordering and picking up a pizza, chinese food, babysitting (if they have children) loading dishwasher, renting a funny movie, cleaning the cat litter box (if they have a cat) doing some laundry, or anything else you might notice that needs doing. Or you might offer to make a list of things they need, cut strips with one job on each and place the "jobs" in a box that your friend or her husband could point to next time somebody says "Is there anything I can do?" That way if they don't like the one they pick, (like the kitty litter) they can pick a different one. You can start it by picking one of the items yourself. How about that?

What a great friend you are, CarolinaGal! Here's one thought, invite your best friend out for lunch or movie or whatever she likes to do, or offer to sit with her husband so she can take some time off for herself. I suspect everyone is focusing on the patient but don't forget that the caregiver needs a cheering section too.

- Margaret

I love your idea about the jar! I will definitely suggest that. Thanks so much for taking the time to respond. I really appreciate it.

Margaret - you are so right and actually I've been telling her to take care of herself. We already have plans for a manicure/pedicure & lunch on Saturday!
Thanks so much for your response - I really appreciate your input.