Since having my experience with the Awesome Cancer ( sarcastically said ) being focused at my current job seems to be a real struggle the longer I do it. I basically just don't care about it anymore although that being a very foolish thing considering I'm the only one working. I don't know if this is just the after shock and will reboot me to my past view of what I do or did I just cross over into some new world.

Eric,

I feel exactly the same way you do. I have only been back to work for about four weeks and I'm really struggling with it. I am currently working at an outdoor gear store, but have not resumed teaching my fitness classes yet. After learning that I have cancer, helping people find outdoor clothes and shoes is...annoying.

I'm sorry you're struggling with wanting to work. Did you enjoy your career before you got cancer? Do you think there is another career out there that would make you happier?

I guess I don't really have any words of encouragement. Just wanted to say that I think a lot of people feel the way you do. You're not alone. Take care, Eric.

Ashley

Well I think it's in consideration to making video games. I mean you work for 2 to 3 years on something that dies in 2 days and does nothing for anyone other than suspend them from reality for a few hours. Some how there just isn't a good reason to do that anymore.

Here's an interesting lecture (15 min) on the value of gaming. Escape is good and a necessary thing sometimes, and anyone that reads, goes to the movies (or plays games), is escaping reality for a moment. But this lecture puts electronic gaming in another perspective, what if it is training you to think differently? What if game technology can be used to solve major problems both global and personal? It's an interesting premise.

By the way - Eric has offered to help OCF with some of his code warrior expertise to use technology, (some that I only vaguely understand, and certainly not the way he does) to better the oral cancer patients experience, and change the way the rest of the world (decision makers and perhaps those that could be more engaged in screening to find the disease early when treatments are far less invasive) behave because we have shown them something that they think of only in abstract terms. Not in the real way WE experience it.

I won't speculate more right now on where this idea goes, but technology, and the proper application of it via the web, was responsible for launching OCF into the mainstream of the debate even as a small entity. We are in front of congress, in meetings at the CDC, FDA, and NCI... we are players because fo the reach of the technology that makes our web site possible. Eric's skill set is way above web work. What that manifests itself as, could be something that changes the paradigm of the disease in the US, and further if the right people see the disease the way WE experience it. They need to feel things to motivate them to action. Technology is a means to that end.

http://www.ted.com/talks/jane_mcgonigal_gaming_can_make_a_better_world.html

If you knew the game I'm working on you would change your perspective but I appreciate it. All in all I still think people just need to go outside and dig in the dirt once in awhile. I've seen to many kids just become lumps of stupid because there selfish parents get a perverse feeling of freedom siting the kids down in front of games and not having to bother with them.

Another point on helping OCF(I know this should probably be a thread to itself)is that this forum could possibly be a hub to tell these stories with great impact instead of being buried over time in a forum system. I hope to get to know many of you here in the pushing of some cool ideas out into the world.

Eric,

I was a professional clown for few years. Some people hate clowns. Some think that hiring a clown for a birthday party is a waste of money. My mother was ashamed that I was a clown. How bad is that? Then, I got a job in the Big Apple Circus Clown Care Unit. We visited kids in hospitals. It validated what I did.

So, how do you validate what you do while facing criticism from doctors and social workers that you agree with? Parental negligence would exist even without the ability to plop kids in front a TV screen, and it would take a systemic change for people to abandon video games.

I think your dilemma is partly epic crossover ("lumps of stupid") and partly aftershock (Ashley's "helping people find outdoor shoes is ... annoying.").

But you need to work. Working on video games pays the bills.
You're too young to remember, but Rock 'n Roll was supposed to destroy our youth. I admit that the video game revolution seems different: instead of sweaty teens gyrating to Elvis, some kids lose themselves in situations that have little to do with real life and that can leave them disconnected. Still, you're not working for a drug cartel. A game can be a harmless diversion or an outlet for frustration, and you aren't responsible for people's irresponsibility. I don't know what kind of games you work on, but people need to exercise common sense when they buy them.

And without your training, you would not be able to understand or suggest that ... techno-language-warrior stuff that I have no clue about & that Brian says he only vaguely understands.

There is good in what you do and what Ashley does. When I was a clown, I wasn't curing cancer, but my efforts allowed people to forget their problems - if only for one moment. And there's something to be said for that.

Marlene

I don't think it matters what you do for a living. I have worked in IT my whole life as a developer, manager, tech support, training, etc.

Going through treatment, I kept thinking I should have been a doctor... that the doctors treating me and many others were doing something so much more worthwhile than what I do, or have ever done.

I finally said that out loud to someone and their opinion was that no one can know everything, so we need the diversity of skills that we all have.

I agree, but part of me still regrets not being a more engaged high school and college student.

For me - I want very much for the people I work with to again depend on me the way they did pre-cancer. I get this 'don't over work Mike' attitude like I will never be healthy again. I was almost to the point of believing people really thought I was 'back' - then out of no where I had an emergency appendectomy (just last week). Piece of cake compared to everything I went through last year, but it re-engaged the 'Mike's not well' mind set at work again... Very frustrating.

E_Dog, you hit the nail square with that description of todays kids and the parents that allow it to happen. I for one always dig in the dirt and enjoy the outside air.

Well I mean I grew up on Atari and Colleco Vision but they never had the effect today's games do. It was so abstract it was about the same as playing something a little more fun than checkers. Now it gets in your head and can suck you in to a point that just living in a virtual world is life.

Well eric put it this way would everyone have to go thru what we did with this illness to be able to see what is right in front of them the real joy of life or they can get the message from people who have and it will take a while too sink in but i reckon its worth it to keep on keepin on which is what your doing with ocf and all i say is amen to that.



2yr survivor
throat cancer
so far so good