OK, looking for some opinions...

I am having trouble trying to balance things I want to do with and for my wife with the financial risks and problems down the line. I am not comfortable discussing with friends and family for fear of having them feel like they should try to help us out but feel I need to talk this out some where.

Some background. We have been married going on 25 years and have three boys from 15 to 23. In that time, we have taken three vacations as a family besides our honeymoon. Always planning on traveling some time in the future, when we had more money, more time, no pets, kids grown, etc. Since her diagnosis with metastized cancer in April and given an anticpated progression of 10 months to a year (she is doing much better than they expected so hopefully that is extended), we have taken a trip to Las Vegas and Mexico. This winter we would still like to take a trip to Key West and I would like to get our family together over spring break for a vacation.

Now the problem,financially it is irresponsible to spend that money. With her out of work the past year and a half, medical bills, insurance, college tuition, etc., it leaves us pretty well tapped out. Currently I make enough with her starting to get SSDI and her pension that we can keep up. Next year with a change over to my insurance, another round of "out of pocket" expenses, tuition, we will most likely be heading under water. Unfortunately, we had not invested much in life insurance on her (I know that sounds terrible but we only carried about 15% of what we have on me).

When I booked the trip to Mexico, she asked if we would be going if she wasn't sick. I think I answered honestly that we would be going but probably not now. She said that it is too bad we had to wait for her to get sick to take a vacation.

The way that I feel is that the next four to six months means more to me than the next several years.

Is this being too irresponsible?

I am having a hard time looking at this objectively and would like opinions either way.

Thanks,

Tom - I struggle with this as well. Jim is the one asking the questions, me...I'd go for it, but he's the one with cancer and keeps me grounded, financially..by now, I would have maxed our our credit cards and figured it out later - after the fact...so I can only tell you what he has told me....none of us are guaranteed tomorrow - none of us! Live life RESPONSIBLY!!!

Contrary to popular belief, we do not owe our children an education...we owe them the responsibility of providing them a good foundation, good role models morally and financial (check out Dave Ramsey - he has some really good information on this). Tell the kids, tuition is on them. If they want an education bad enough, they will work for it and the degree will mean more to them in the end, because THEY earned it - money can be a good motivator for good grades...if it means student loans then so be it...if you want to go back and pay on them, the payments make great birthday, Christmas, and "just because" gifts - without breaking YOUR bank! Make your memories now - even if they are day trips or over the weekend....our big trip was to Alaska (on a budget) and now we do weekend jaunts...this past weekend we drove 2 hrs. and went to a drive thru wildlife park - we took 257 pictures! Not all were good, but it was fun and special. In the end, it's the small things that count...

Good questions and appreciate you asking because I struggle with putting these kind of questions out there. I suffer in silence on these issues and appreciate you asking....
Paula

Tom
its very important for YOU that you do as much as you can to lay down memories that are special and happy.Its very easy further down the road for your memories to be only of illness and pain and sadness and suffering ,so the more you can do to enjoy every precious day and build up your stash of happiness the better.The bad memories will fade much faster if you have banked a catalogue of happy times that will bring a smile instead of a tear .

love liz

Tom, I fully understand where you are coming from. Steve told me a few months ago that he wants a special christmas as he fears this may possibly be his last. Those were hard words to hear but since then we have been working at making christmas extra special this year. Even to the tune of spending Australian $700 on a christmas tree and decorations. When we spend like this my mind goes into shock but then I see the pleasure on his face and it's all worth it. We will manage somehow. Any debt will get paid off, any savings gone will return one day. But the memories we are making now will last us a lifetime. Nothing can replace them and they are priceless. So my advise to you is make the memories now and make them wonderful.

Tom,
I don't know about Key West, but I consider Florida cheap. I can rent a two bedroom beachfront condo for less than a $1000 a week and food in restaurants is half what it is here in NJ. How much are you really gonna blow by going? Only a couple of grand. Go for the memories. That couple of grand isn't gonna put your kids through college. Go for it just don't do it during hurricane season .

Take care,
Eileen

Tom,

I look at it like this, finances always have a way of working out if you are willing to work them out. I "ditto" everything everyone else is saying here...go for the memories. Your children, especially the ones that are going through college, are over 18 and physically able, need to realize they have some responsibility here too.

As a young man that put myself through college, with parents that had the financial means to help me but didn't, I can say it can be done. Now I'm also of a mind that I will pay for college for my children...but circumstances happen. My 9 year old wanted to get a job to help us out when I went down and then my wife lost her job due to the economy. We went from making a healthy six figure income to making about a third of that in a matter of months...talk about a shock to the financial system! We've made it work...so make it work.

Good luck,

Eric

Great post Tom and I think it is something we all struggle with. Given your situation - I would certainly say GO FOR IT. Things will work themselves out when it is time for that to happen, and by doing what you have wanted to do, you will not have regrets. Regrets cost alot more than credit card interest!

Enjoy each and every moment. You are certainly not being irresponsible and do not let your wife feel guilty!! That would be a real downer for the trip for all of you.

I recently visited a family who just lost their 2nd of 3 children. First loss was their son to a drunk driver, 2nd to cancer - they have lots of money. And I KNOW they would trade every cent for one more day with their loved ones. No regrets tour. Go for it.

P.S. I would also find out what secret "bucket list" things your wife may have always wanted to do but hasn't and I'd make those happen too. Life isn't about the number of breaths you take, but it is about the moments that take your breath away.

Donna

If your kids don't have money saved for college start filing out those FAFSA forms as soon as you know your tax situation. As far as Key West, if you do decide to go there, PM me and I can give you a few suggestions. We have been vacationing there every year for the last 20 years. It is a bit expensive (worth every penny) but you can rent a home on a weekly to monthly basis which will help reduce costs.

I think you should go for the trip. Its important to spend the time together now while she is feeling pretty good and your kids are living in the area. I don't think its irresponsible at all.
I mean you don't have to go full on luxury while you are tehre but have fun within your means and enjoy it guilt free!

KATE

Hi Tom,

I ditto what the rest have said....go on the trip, make as many special memories now while she's feeling good. From my experience, when I don't worry about the money situation and believe it's going to work out, it always does. I think there needs to be a balance, but you're under special circumstances. Go for it!

Hugs,

Shelley