Hi everyone! I sincerely hope you are all doing well and staying strong. I know Christine is serving as a current inspiration to many of us!

It will be one year since mom's passing this thursday. It's hard to imagine I have lived almost an entire year with out her. I'm mostly writing for a little advice. As most of you know I'm the second oldest of the herd. Our dad has chosen to live a life that our mother would never approve of so he has become a constant problem. He began dating 2 weeks after mom passed and is never around. He's living his life like he has no responsibilities to his children anymore. Last month he even allowed moms house to be foreclosed on. He stopped making payment the month she passed away. The three youngest of us are 15, 16 and a very young 19. They are struggling horribly.

They have each separately asked me if I would take them to the Dr's for anti-depressants. I am not sure what to do about it. They have done some therapy but it didn't help. They just need mom still so much. We all do, but them the most. They wake up everyday heartbroken. They stay up all night long trying to sleep to no avail. Mercedes who was the captain of the cheer team and homecoming queen has developed what seems to be a social anxiety disorder. It's like mom was the center of her confidence and now it's just all gone. She says on a daily basis "I hate being an adult." She didn't even go away to college where she was offered a full cheering scholarship because she was too scared. Now she's struggling at the local community college.

I've tried looking up stuff online about teens and anti-depressants, but nothing seems conclusive. I can't think of anyone better to ask about this than you all. I am at a loss right now. I want to get on top of it because I can already see all my sisters heading into a downward spiral this week.
as always you are all wonderful and i can only hope this finds you all well.

Amy

Oh Amy- I am so sorry you are having to deal with this all while you too are trying to grieve. I have a 15 year old daughter who pretty much fell apart after my husband went through his 2nd round of treatments. She began having anxiety attacks while at church and school- she wouldnt go anywhere unless I was with her, she completely shut all friends out of her life. I looked into anti-depressants for her and there was nothing out there that could convince me that she would be 'safe' on them. I ended up finding a psychiatrist that specialized in post tramatic stress disorders. She really resisted the therapy at first, but slowly she began to come around and talk with her therapist. He began to walk her through the most frightening aspects of the cancer and her life and challenged her to begin living her life (he really took her slowly though). We are about 6 months out of therapy treatments now and finally are seeing the old Audra. I still run her in now and then to visit with him- because she sometimes needs a little tune up for her attitude. I really suggest finding someone who specializes in young adults/teens who has the ablility to prescribe meds (only if truly necessary) but who has experience in grief and post tramatic stress counsel. I wish you the best of luck and I believe you momma would be proud of the way you are looking out for your siblings. Keep strong-
Jennie

Amy in the Uk we have specialist bereavement counsellors for kids and teenagers and it sounds to me like your sisters are in urgent need of some professional help.
Your Mum was the centre pin of a large family and losing her has obviously sent the focus of your lives spinning out of control.
I can only imagine your dads behaviour has been brought about by his own grief,but he really should be the one holding all this together and i cant imagine how you can cope with him going so badly down the wrong path.Its a huge problem you are facing and one you cant handle without a great deal of help.Do you have any other family who could talk to your Dad and try to make him see how much his family need him to step up to the plate and take control again.To lose one parent is a dreadful thing,but you must feel as if you have lost two.

Amy,
The loss of a parent is very difficult---no matter how old you are. It sounds like you not only lost a parent to cancer but one to grief. I think it was very wise of you to seek support here from those who understand the pain of your loss. I would also hope that you have the support of others in your community. Many communities have grief groups through local cancer support centers. I've worked with several in our area who hold groups, work with families or simply share ideas about how to cope with grief and loss. They may be a source of inspiration to get you through this week and help those you love. Some centers may offer counseling directly or they may be able to refer your family members for a treatment evaluation to determine whether medication would be useful.
Take care

Hi Amy. I have been thinking of your mom alot lately - I knew the anniversary was coming up but I wasn't sure of the exact date. It is a year later I still feel the shock of hearing that Minnie had passed away. It was so fast and so unexpected (by me anyway!).

You really have alot on your plate right now and I think Cookey has given you some great advice. You need to seek out an aunt or uncle or close family friend who can intervene on the behalf of all the girls.

It alarms me that the younger girls' supposed first thought was to take some pills. They are in great danger of self medicating. But, I think first they need counselling to try to deal with the death of your Mom and whatever anger and disappointment they might be feeling right now, and THEN if some peace is not achieved a physician could do whatever is necessary. I think this counselling needs to take place immediately before the younger ones - who are at such vulnerable ages - find themselves seeking comfort in dangerous places.

Maybe you can use the 1 year anniversary of your Mom's death to engage your Dad, your chosen Aunt/Uncle/Friend and all of the girls who are available in an open family meeting to discuss "where we are at now and future plans". That might be a non-confrontational way of dealing with some of the problems. Just a thought.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Donna

Hi Amy,

If the house has been foreclosed on, where are all of you living and with whom? Does your grandmother know what is going on and could she possibly help in raising the younger ones? Since your father is shirking his resposibilities, who is the adult that is paying the bills and watching your younger sisters? I never had any children but it does seem like your sisters and father all need grief counseling.

Please don't wait so long to post next time. You know everyone will help you the best we can.

Take care,
Eileen

Amy,
You should call the pediatrician who has watched you all grow up. He could give you professional advice on helping the girls cope.

Thanks for all the replies. I called their pediatrician and he is referring them to another doctor who is more experienced with ptsd.

The house was forclosed on. He rented a small place which is working out ok. He is only home late at night and hasn't been bothering anyone. We three older girls all rotate "baby" duty as we call it. We always called them the three babies because of the age gap between us. either one of us spends the night at their house or they come and stay with us. The girls desperatly want to hold on to their home life even in a new place so we haven't made them live with one of us. Luckially Sky and Sadie can drive now so that has taken a huge load off of us. The two younger ones still go to the christian school mom had them in so there is no transportation. We use the money we get from social security to pay their tuition. It was very important to mom to keep them in that school, so we make sure that is what her money goes to.

My nana left shortly after mom passed and has only been back once for a visit. Our extended family has pretty much gone back to the old habits of only calling every once and a while. Being around them turns into like a competition of who is hurting more about mom dying. It's so wierd. While us sisters and mom were amazingly close, her brothers and sister hardly called even when she was so sick. They made coming for her memorial into a vacation. were even taking pictures at her service with their kids and stuff. It was so incredibly wierd.
My nana calls way more often but she had a heart attack in August and had 2 stints put in the week after her father passed away. She left a few days after moms memorial service. Everyone did. We are just a bunch of kids trying to raise each other. Yeah I'm gonna be 28 this week but I still feel 17. I certinly have no idea how to raise a 15 year old!
We are doing okay and we have a great group of cheerleading parents from the school who help us out where they can. It's hard for us to live our own lives while taking care of them, but there are three of us so we can do it. I say three but there is a forth older girl she got married this summer and is expecting a baby in January. We let her slide of baby duty. I on the other hand had sadies graduation party to put on the day before I had Zach! I will never complain tho. I know it is what mom would want us to do. Try to make everything as normal as it can be without her.

Zach has the flu and he's only 4 months old so they dont give them cold medicine like they used to. It's nights like this that make me really wish mom was here. She always knew what to do with a baby. I hardly even knew how to hold one! I am not a baby person! I love mine, but thats it!

Good Night all. I hope you are all doing well and loving your families tonight!
I'm too tired to proof read this so please excuse my spelling and such!
Amy

Amy i really have to ask,what was your relationship with your Dad like while Minnie was alive?

Hello Amy, sorry to hear that your family is having to go through such a tough time. Not sure how you are able to get along, I know the expense of doctors and therapists can add up quickly. One thing you could check into would be to contact social services in the county that you or they live in. My wife had worked in social services for a county in Minnesota for 25 years. I asked her a little about what sounds like your situation and she thought that you or your older sisters could get custody of your younger sisters and possibly get "relative foster care" to help out financially. I am sure every state or county could be different but it may be something to look into. Hoping for the best for you and your family.