Well, where do I begin?

Eldest daughter is an avid dope smoker who when Rod was first diagignosed advised him of how much money he could make o the marker for his meds...charming. She has threatened me regularly for coming between her and her father??? Has not contacted us for at least 5 weeks now...bliss.

Youngest daughter of Rod moved in with us in April, only to move out when I wanted to speak with her for leaving 'me' to care for her dog and feed it with our dogs food for 2 nights without even a call. She was with us for 2 weeks, leaving most of her 'stuff here'. She came over one day to get some of her 'stuff'. A few weeks later, I asked her to come & get all of her gear. She came with her mother & got 1/2. I asked her last week to come back today & get the rest. Although Rod told her this morning we were on our way to the 'van', the car was in the drive, she never even knocked on the door to see him when she was picking up her gear. Delightful.

Rod I'm sure was upset at this, but now I'm not so sure. I haven't said a lot, but boy, am I disgusted. These 2 'creatures' don't like me, obvious, jealousy, fear, denial, mixed bag, most 'f&%^%^ed up in the head person they know' apparently & according to them, quote/unquote, but to be the excuse as to why they don't call or knock on the door to see their dad who is very ill with cancer when they are at the house? I don't get it. I could never treat my parents in that way regardless of how I may or may not feel about someone in their lives. It used to upset me more, before I found this way to vent! I feel for him though. They are 21 & 27yrs respectively. I could go on & on, but no point. Nor worth having as pimples on the end of my nose as mum would say.

Anyone else gone through this? 21 & 27 - no cancer, 53, father, cancer. I want to smack them but they'd probably have me knocked off!! LOL

J

OOh i have a feeling someone else had a terrible problem with stepchildren i think there was more than one.If memory serves it might have been paula aka coping in texas or maybe Juliekay.

When I told my 2 kids that I had Stage IV cancer they cried so much I got upset thinking maybe they knew something I didn't. I assured them I was going to be all right and I guess I did such a good job of assuring them that I didn't hear from then until after my Tx was over. My wife of 20 years, not their mom, was and still is pissed off with them and gets extremely mad at me when I do something for my kids now. They are my kids and I can't/won't get mad at them over that. I still love them but I can't convince my wife, my caregiver, my vida, my savior that they are anything but selfish good for nothing self centered brats.

My darlings are 24, 23, 20 and 15. The three oldest do not live with me. The oldest drove me to almost every radiation appt. I had. She would work all night and then take me to the doctor. She would fall asleep in the waiting room. Then she would drive me home and that was the last I would see of her for the day. The boys, I never saw. I look at it like this. It is much easier to deal with Mom having cancer when you don't have to deal with what cancer does to Mom. Kinda, out of sight, out of mind. The only one that really delt with it was the 15 year old. Oddly enough, she's grown up, the others seem to have regressed.
Amy

"Kids" song from Bye Bye Birdie 1963


Kids!
I don't know what's wrong with these kids today!

Kids!
Who can understand anything they say?

Kids!
They a disobedient, disrespectful oafs!
Noisy, crazy, dirty, lazy, loafers!
While we're on the subject:

Kids!
You can talk and talk till your face is blue!

Kids!
But they still just do what they want to do!
Why can't they be like we were,
Perfect in every way?
What's the matter with kids today?

Kids!
I've tried to raise him the best I could

Kids! Kids!
Laughing, singing, dancing, grinning, morons!
And while we're on the subject!

Kids! They are just impossible to control!

Kids! With their awful clothes and their rock an' roll!
Why can't they dance like we did
What's wrong with Sammy Caine?
What's the matter with kids today!

OMG David, I completely get what you say. I understand that these are Rod's kids, and that he loves them, [I think he's a little disappointed in them though] and I won't try to stop communications between them, but I'm now at a point that they have treated me so badly that I won't allow either of them on our property now the youngest has collected her things. I totaly understand your thoughts, and your wifes' - I feel I'm in her shoes in more ways than one though, due to the threats they have imposed on me. I have spoken to the police due to this, and won't disregard intervention orders to stop them from making contact with ME - got a text last night when I was asleep [got it when I woke], from the youngest, asking If I 'brushed my teeth much'. She blames me for him not going to her 21st in June - I was unaware she was having a party, and he had only had chemo the day before. I asked her not long ago to contact her dad more as he needs her [regardless of how she felt about me], she responded with 'it takes 2, and I can count the times he has called me this year on both hands'.....well, now she has removed her things off the property, neither of them will hear from me again, not even in response to text....sorry but so glad they're not my kids, how embarrasing & disappointing. Now I know I'm not alone in this, I don't feel so bad...or alone.

Amy, it's more that they hate me than can't 'cope' with their dads illness. They think they are punishing him for being with me. The eldest has 3 kids of her own [his grandchildren], she told him that it is 'his loss', the youngest advised me her mothers sister was going through Tx for a brain tumour but still managed to go to her son's 21st.....ignorance there I think, but still not an excuse as they could have done their homework via the CCC or Cancer Council...plenty of info.

Oh, and Rod has also asked me if I know more about him or the doctors have told me stuff behind his back...thats a no of course, but I understand his line of questioning.

This Kid issue has done my head in, but I think I'm on the recovery road myself now.

J

We have a combined bunch....7 kids between us ranging in age from 36 to 26. My two boys have helped out, my daughter operates in her own little world (we're raising her kids who are 8 and almost 5), 2 of his kids have visited but most of the time act like it's all gonna be ok and the other 2 are apparently in avoidance mode as we don't see or hear from them because they're "busy". As for me, I'd like to yank them up and shake them...the 2 who have helped most seem to "get it" while the rest look surprised when they see their dad who has now dropped approximately 50 lb. Believe me, you are not alone!!!

This has been a topic here before. Seems like less than 50% of kids truly understand and pitch in when they are needed. Its the younger adults who are too worried about their own lives to be bothered. Must be something with society, kinda like the entitlement attitude.

I sure have had my struggles with my children. My son drove me to treatments and helped me but was not a caregiver. He tried but just didnt know what to do to help. Same goes for my daughter, she tried but couldnt see past herself at times to give me the help I needed. I warned them both, the first 2 times were a warm up for this third round.

Hope things improve for you and the children become more helpful.

Christine, I hope your kids will be there for you this time round, I believe they will. Think you might be one of the luckier parents with your kids....

Things will improve for me because I've wiped them out of MY life. I can't & won't stop Rod from loving them, talking to them or seeing them, but not here. [apart from over the phone.] I refuse to have anything to do with anyone with little or no respect, care & compassion. They are history to me, and I'm glad. Rod hasn't spoken with the eldest since she spoke with him and called me the worst names you could imagine - can't & won't repeat what she called me to him, but he hung up on her & has not responded to her calls/text since. Think she may have gone in the wrong sirection with that one & under estimated him. She'll always be his daughter, but that doesn't mean she is a wonderful caring respectful human being, which to me she clearly isn't....I feel for Rod, his two girls I feel for also, but not as much as I despise them...harsh word for me. I no longer speak of them to him for fear their behaviour - more to him - will upset him...very sad.

Love the song David...