Billy,

I'm certainty not qualified to counsel you on such matters but if you compare yourself to children that have cancer or children born with serious deficiencies who may never know all the joys you did reaching 45 years then you must agree that you are pretty lucky that you have escaped such illness till now. I remember walking the halls of Moffitt Cancer Institute and seeing kids having to deal with much much more than I was and it literally brought tears to my eyes. For me to feel sorry for myself was shameful.

Please try to rationalize why you think you're angry and perhaps once you do you will be able to think it through. You are most likely cured and since you are about a year post Tx, you are well on your way to complete recovery or pretty close to it. Your life may never be as innocent as it was before but at least you kept that innocence for 45 years. Hell many people don't even live 45 years. Try to lighten up and realize that you have many many more productive, exciting years left so make the best of them.

David

Age 58 at Dx, HPV16+ SCC, Stage IV BOT+2 nodes, non smoker, casual drinker, exercise nut, Cisplatin x 3 & concurrent IMRT x 35,(70 Gy), no surgery, no Peg, Tx at Moffitt over Aug 06. Jun 07, back to riding my bike 100 miles a wk. Now doing 12 Spin classes and 60 outdoor miles per wk. Nov 13 completed Hilly Century ride for Cancer, 104 miles, 1st Place in my age group. Apr 2014 & 15, Spun for 9 straight hrs to raise $$ for YMCA's Livestrong Program. Certified Spin Instructor Jun 2014.