LD,

I can relate to what you are going through. I'll be 42 this year and both my parents are 75 and have been in good health until my dad was diagnosed with oral cancer on 3/21/07. We are now going through our 2nd round of cancer in less than a year. This second round of radiation and chemo has been especially hard on dad, mostly because of where this new tumor is located.

For many months every time I left his home I was crying by the time I pulled out of the driveway. It breaks my heart to see the big, strong Dad that I remember looking so frail and only able to sit in the chair and lie in the bed. I too do all I can to help him and mom out. I've found that it's best not to ask if I can do something but to just do it. If I ask mom she will say no, but if I just do it she really appreciates it - no matter how big or small. While you may think that watering the plants is no big deal, it's one less thing that she has to do and will allow her more time to focus on your dad. Today I took my grandson out for a visit. I sat inside with dad while Mom played in the yard with Jaden for about 3 hours. She has not spent that much time away from dad in probably 5 months. Dad commented on how he was glad she was out there and that she needed the break. It did them both good.

You are doing the best you can right now being there for your parents. For me, my goal is to 1 - do all for them that I can for them and 2 - make sure that dad knows, no matter how his story ends, that I'm a good daughter and will make sure that Mom will be taken care of should he not make it.

You really are doing a great job. The roller coaster of emotions is part of your new normal, but it does get better. Just keep doing what you are doing, learn all you can, post when you need to and always know that you are not alone.

Joy