I thank you all for sharing. It does help me to read these thoughts. The list of things we have done IS long and full... but I want that list to continue to grow. I want to grow old with my best friend. His attitude is amazing and fearless. I falter sometimes but in private moments because he needs to know I'm ok. Mostly we keep positive thoughts. He has told me that anything that goes wrong at home is now and forever his fault. It's a good deal for me.

Things seem to move at a different pace this time around (recurrence)- it's not the same mad quest for information or near as many questions. (there aren't such good answers to some of them) We know pretty much about the chemo,schedule,side effects, the infusaport was a piece of cake, now we deal with a trach and g-tube. Erbitux is new and the rash isn't pleasant for my husband but we try to think that it means it's working. A dermatologist was able to help.

What we don't know is time- how to spend it, how to plan it. The day to day stuff continues on---Gotta get through chemo. Gotta work full-time(me, not my husband). We had 12 inches of snow a few days ago. I worry too much. Making plans is difficult... I feel stuck and just too dull to make any decisions like planning a trip.

I am inspired by the courage and have much respect for the fights being fought by this board's members- patients and the caregivers, and appreciate being able to RAMBLE. Whew
thanks, Fran