Don't focus on the 'should have done' stuff.
Start NOW making a list of what you HAVE done--you'll be amazed at how long, full and important it is--working, bringing up kids, being a spouse, looking after a house, giving support and comfort to other people in times of need--includes small child with scraped knee!--to ringing/visiting parents or even grandparents.
You've both 'done stuff'--take a deep breath and think about it.
Then base 'the way forward' from there.

We're all here for you,

brenda