C'mon Lolita---I haven't given up yet--none of us have!
I think what you need, besides talking to your oncologist, is someone maybe just not in the medical profession to talk to you.
Personally, as well as coming on here, and having a loving partner, I couldn't cope without my network of friends--and over the last couple of weeks the 'designated' support workers attached to the Health Service.
Have you close family and friends? Does anyone come with you to appointments?
If not, can someone on here recommend a support service available/accessible for Lolita in her area?
As we all well know--cancer isn't just in the body!
Hang in there Lolita, we're all thinking of you and it sounds like you shouldn't need to worry as much as you are, but I know that's easier said than done!

Brenda