Good evening, all...I am new to this list. My father in law has just been diagnosed with stage IV base of tongue carcinoma with cervical mets. He is 75, has a stroke history which has left him with an unsteady gait and no use of his right hand. He lives alone right now with his cat not far from me and his son, my husband. He had a dental eval yesterday and will have to have all his teeth pulled before treatment begins, which the docs are recommending radiation plus chemo. I am scared to death about what lies ahead. My curse (!) in this situation is that I am also a social worker...I work with blood cancer patients now, but have spent the last 18 years as a hospice social worker, which makes me more "tuned in" to talking about end of life care. However, when I discussed taking a palliative route with the surgeon who did the biopsy, he looked at me as if I had 3 heads and said they would be pursuing full blown treatment. He will be moving in with us, which frankly is freaking me out, and I have no idea what to expect. My husband and I both work full time, and cannot quit our jobs to take care of him. How sick is he going to get? Any thoughts on what to expect? Am I crazy or selfish for wanting to just TALK about other options besides chemo and radiation? Thanks, Wendy