Doreen,
I am sure no one wants you to feel ashamed! What you are going through, I have gone through, and would bet my britches everyone on this board has gone through. It is a natural grieving process for the loss of your life as you knew it!
You are so right about the blessings, and you are astute enough to recognize them. Good for you!
Best wishes for your now and future life, and I am sure you will find that not ALL the changes are negative ones!

Andrea

SCC L lat tongue,Dx 9/15/05 T1N0MX L MND and L lateral hemiglossectomy 10/03/05. Recurrence 11/15/06 2nd surgery 12/04/06 hemiglossectomy 3rd surgery 01/15/07 tonsillectomy Radiation 01/25/07 to 03/08/07 3-D/CRT X 30