Good evening, all.
It is Sunday - I'm trying to decompress after a stressful weekend; my friends plied me with wine (and I'm NOT a drinker!)so I've mellowed out a bit. Can't seem to get rid of the tears, however.
Tom's surgery on Friday took 6 hours, and they kept him in recovery for 5 - - by the time I saw him at 8 PM, I was a wreck - - no fingernails left at all! Not being familiar with the effects of surgery, I was not (again) prepared for seeing him all swollen - - he looked like he had gained 50 pounds!! The bandage around his neck was also more than I expected, but I am supposing it was done like that to keep his neck in a proper position. He was way out of it, but I think he knew I was there. Luckily, they put him in a private room, because once the nurses left, and my brother-in-law said 'good-bye,' and I had him all to myself, it seemed that all the anxieties and worries and fears of the last few months came crashing down and the floodgates opened in me. Maybe it was seeing him looking so beaten up that did it - - maybe it was the idea that the 'last step' had been taken in fighting this cancer - - maybe it was the fact that I just plain love him so much that did it. Guess it doesn't matter, huh? I think I worried the doctors that came to check on him....one went out to get me tissues and he hugged me (which, as you probably know, only makes things worse at a time like that)! The staff was great, however, and they got me a cot so I could spend the night with him. Thank goodness, as I was sooo exhausted but knew I couldn't drive the 90 minutes home, and didn't really want to stay in a hotel room. It was good to wake up and have him right there.
Some of the puffiness was down on Saturday, but his voice is really out of whack. One of the doctors said it could be the swelling, but we'd have to watch as it may be an indication that something was cut during surgery(!?) that would affect his voice. Oh, dear.....
I did not see him today but spoke to him this evening and the voice hasn't improved. He said he was up to walk today and is feeling better. Don't know when they'll let him come home, but the drainage situation looks pretty good, so maybe tomorrow?
My dearest friends, how can I thank you for being here? Brian, you are a blessing. I talk about this foundation to anyone willing to lend an ear; today I ran into a bank client who now has two dental offices. She was unaware of Tom's cancer, and thrilled to have me bring her the printed material I received from Brian. I will take them to her on Monday.

If you can tell me anything about the voice issue, I'd appreciate it. I suppose I'm being my usual nervous self in thinking "he's lost his beard, his muscle and now his voice." Not that any of that will matter as long as he is with me for many, many more years.

Love to all of you.
Nicki