Tonya,

It's been 9 months and 6 days since my sister died. I understand the sadness that you feel. Kim was my only sister. People tell me it will get easier with time, but I only feel it getting harder. So many things remind me of her or I see or hear something that I would love to tell her and I get even sadder (if that's even possible.) I am so happy that her suffering is over, but I still want her here with me.

During the past nine months, there have been countless times when I have picked up the phone and almost dialed her number, only to remind myself that she's gone.

This is the hardest thing I've ever dealt with in my life. I feel your pain. The only advice that I can offer to you is to talk to your brother daily and remember him with your family. It might sound silly or crazy, but everyday I tell Kim how much I miss her and that I love her. I know she probably knows, but it feels good to say it out loud. I also spend a lot time remembering her with family and friends. I don't think it will ever get easier...like I said, in nine months it has gotten harder. There are many nights, like tonight, where I cry uncontrollably and my heart aches. I just have to remind myself that it's ok to cry.

I envy your strength in posting about your brother's anniversary. I haven't been able to post about Kim since she died. I pray that God continues to give you and your family all the strength you need. SOrry to ramble on.

God Bless you