Adding to Sabrina's comments...

I have one friend who makes me crazy. Her heart is in the right place but she just doesn't know when to just vacate.

She calls and at first will ask how Harry is, and then me, and then she asks if I am mad at her. I look at my phone and my head fills with ?????????????????????????????

What in the hell is she talking about? I don't even have time to be mad at myself, let alone anyone else.

Then there is the ongoing need for recognition between my step daughter and my sister. If I (God forbid) forget to mention a name in my daily online journal entry then I get the emails... well you thanked your sister but what about so and so.... or my mother even sent me an email to tell me that I had thanked my step daughter by name and just called my sister "my sister".

I never replied to the email. I love my mother dearly and I am sure that she wasn't in her right mind when she wrote it so I let it go.

But I can tell you that often I want to yell at the people in our life and say " HEY IT AIN'T ABOUT YOU!!!"

Some of our friends and even family members just suffer from foot in mouth disease and to be honest neither myself nor Harry has the strength nor energy to really worry about it. Oh and we both possess enough - don't give a shit - attitude right now that it just rolls off.

I have stopped trying to apologize for not returning phone calls and the like.

They are either going to understand or they aren't and it is not my job to make them.

Jen, Your friend might seem to be very self-centered at the moment because she doesn't know what to say or if to say and maybe she is really unaware of how it is coming across.

My best bud and I hardly see each other anymore. Her son and my son are best friends and they go over to each other's houses. (We just live around the corner from each other). I used to see her all of the time and we would sit an have a beer, go out together, etc. But 2 summers ago her mother died after a 14 month battle with lung cancer. I do not fault my friend for withdrawing. I think that it is just difficult for her and we all have our own way of dealing with things.

I take what I can get and I make sure that I find friends who will understand. Then I try to understand my friends that don't understand and I feel better inside.

Not everyone is going to be able to cope with this. Lord knows everyone here knows that. Sometimes as patients and caregivers we don't really cope either. I just find that holding the pain of being rejected and the anger for a friend who isn't coping the way you want just makes things worse for you.

If all else fails.... invite her over and spit on her too. :-)

(having to clean up the mucous left in every container with a drain in my house I can say first hand that it is better than rubber cement)

If it is a guy, tell him that your spit will make his hair fall out and he will be impotent forever. That should fix everything. Take care of yourself and thanks for sharing your current experience. Harry will finish rad tx one week from Monday (only 5 txs left). He feels worse and worse everyday and yesterday and today myself and the rad techs have really had to talk him into the rad room. He is vomiting again and it takes all of his strength. PEG insertion on Monday and hopefully he will feel a little better.

Now I realistically know what to look forward to and I can help him through it better.

Thanks for sharing. God I love this place!!!

Cindy