Angie,

Scared makes sense to me. My best advice is to learn as much as you can about what's going to happen. Here are a few things I would point out (I finished 5 months ago):

1. The mask fitting was weird. I just wasn't prepared. In general, the put the thing on you and it shrinks to fit your face. It's hooked to the table, so you can't move. It didn't hurt, it was just weird. I think I would have been OK if anyone had told me. I did get a little nervous, though.

2. I was a sort of nauseated one day and was really afraid I would throw up in my mask. I never got close, but I was happy to hear that it had never really happened and that they would come and spring me as soon as I lifted my knees.

3. I was allowed to bring my own CD's. That helped a lot.

4. I had some sunburn-like burns on my face. The cream they recommended kept in in check pretty much.

5. I got a real sore throat and ended up with a PEG tube at week 4 and kept it 'til 6 weeks after. I started using it for meds, food, everything. I'd recommend getting it done while you feel up to it. I ordered drip bags off the internet, much easier than syringes.

6. The stuff about feeling bad even after radiation is true. Plan on it.

7. Tell your docs how you feel. I was blessed to have relatively little pain, I think, becuase I was honest w/ the docs and they gave me pain meds.

8. I had a pretty bad bout of mucositis. I ordered Diflam from an internet pharmacy in New Zealand and it helped a lot. (Note: I have lots left over if anybody needs it).

9. Ask questions here: Faster than waiting for the doc to call back and often better.

10. If you haven't been to a dentist who specializes in this, go, now.

11. My worst side effect was mucous. Thick, stringy, choking mucous. It sucked. Fortunately, it only lasted a month or so (Not pleasant, but death lasts longer).

12. Every day, I told myself "Suck it up, son, because it's going to be worse tomorrow." I was right for 8 weeks, then I started noticing the difference was positive. It sounds weird, but it helped me.

13. Would I do it again if I had a remission and it was a possibility? You bet your @ss I would. It wasn't the most fun I ever had, but it wasn't as bad as I feared.

They have to damn near kill you to kill the cancer. You're the stronger one. You can do this. We got your back. I'm sure folks will add to this list. My memory ain't what it used to be...

Clint