Hi, my name is Liz. I need some guidance because I am numb and terrified. I just got the call from the doctor. Someone very dear to me (A person to whom I owe my own life) asked me to be his point person with the doctor and I just got the news that this important person ( my friend and teacher of 35 years - I will call him “S”) has left oropharangeal carcinoma (squamous cell, Stage Three). The doctor asked if S ever smoked, chewed tobacco or drank. The answer is no. Never. I know his father was a heavy smoker but the doctor didn’t think that would do it. The diagnosis was made from a CT scan that included images with and without contrast. The doctor said that the cancer originated at the base of the tongue and measured 5.5 cm x 3.4 cm x 3.7 cm. He was going to call “S” with the news and I asked him to wait until we had some supports in place. “S” lives with his wife but he told me that they were estranged. His children and brother live out of state. “S” is 77 years old and retired. He basically lives in his basement office and rarely leaves the house. I visit him on Sundays. He did not want to go to the doctor, but my daughter, husband and I begged him to go. We live several miles away in NYC but we will do all we can. I also want to respect boundaries. “S” is dear to me, but he will need to tell his wife and family and I hope they rally around him. I know I need support so that I can be calm, helpful and grounded. I am used to “S” being the helper, the guide and source of strength, but now the tables have turned. I am going to call the social services referral that the primary care doctor offered. What kinds of things need to be done now? We need to find a specialist, and treatment. I am afraid that “S” is already depressed and that he will shut down and shut us all out. Would anyone have suggestions on how to proceed?