A cancer diagnosis is indeed overwhelming. Please do not make it worse for yourself trying to second guess what the dentist should or shouldn’t have done. The best thing you can do for yourself and Tim right now is to read up on oral cancer so that when you see the ENT, you will be in a position to ask the “right” questions. Read the info in the links that Christine has given you and write down any questions that you may have for the doctor. You will also be prepared for any treatment that Tim may need. You would like to know you are doing something that is positive and which will help you to cope later on(if any treatment is warranted). When things get unbearable, go for a walk around the block or do something that you find calming. You want to take control of the situation instead of reacting to it all the time. My husband would not do any reading about his illness and, I think, never really understood what was happening. But that was okay, as long as he would do what I told him was good for him. Sometimes things are harder for a caregiver than for the patient because we are racked by anxiety. I felt truly supported by this forum during the whole time John was sick.